schuppentier

This feels like they want to use trademark law to prevent third-party products. You can't legally produce the screws without baiscally copying the BMW logo onto it. I don't know if a similar argument would hold water for the drivers though.

"The purpose of a system is what it does" would suggest malware.

It is beautifully appropriate that the two dashes were replaced by an em-dash.

That sounds to me like a Push setup would be preferable here. There are a number of Jira add-ons that can run code in response to system events like a new comment. That way you should be able to avoid the concurrency problems completely.