aidepast

Due to mental illness, I've spent 22-23 hours of my day for the last 4.5 years in bed on my smartphone. I only leave for food & bathroom. My BMI has been 17-19 for the entire period, but I worry whether I'm causing permanent damage. My body constantly aches and I tire easily. I feel like an old man, yet I'm 27. I began to have what I assume is Restless Leg Syndrome after a few months, with a constant desire to tense or move my legs. I hope that this horrible lifestyle will not burden me with lasting unforeseen health problems even when I begin to exercise and live again.

My insurance potentially would not cover 10mg, so I'd split the 20mg tablets to 10mg per day for the first week, I suppose.

SSRIs don't seem to treat OCD at low doses, so they want me to take 20mg from the beginning.

I did see a counselor for about 6 months, and I was kicked out in June, as they believed I required a higher level of care, such as an intensive outpatient program and/or an SSRI.

I've attempted to read books on OCD. I've attempted Exposure-Response Prevention on my own with limited success. I reach a wall. I don't want to experience the seemingly endless stress that I'd endure from the most significant exposures and I shutdown.

I do know that Von Neumann was privileged, with a wealthy father.

You misunderstand. I poorly use the term of "blue collar" as a mindset, and not to their socioeconomic status. It's definitely not the ideal term.

I disagree with your words on perfectionism. I believe that their work exists in spite of their neurosis.

Van Gogh, Von Neumann, Bach, The Beatles; all of these people were industrious with exceptional outputs. Van Gogh is famous for it, as he discusses his process in his letters, adopting the ethic of farmers, painting quickly & in poor weather, et cetera.

It's not relevant anyway. It was an excuse to preach. I did not intend to submit the parent and, as usual, regret it.

I mostly agree, but you are viewing ideal conditions in a macro-economical manner; perhaps whatever your society encouraged. Bach lived in a time and place where being a composer was a matter of finding a church to employ him, or "serving a court", et cetera. Were these ideal conditions for becoming a composer? They are, but it's a bit lame to say "Well, if I were born in 17th century Austria, I could be a great baroque composer, but in 2022, my society just doesn't encourage that." It's trivial.

People usually are conforming their interests to their society. Most people are not dreaming of being baroque composers today, but perhaps audio engineers, or whatever. The Beatles are a product of their time. They saw what was being encouraged, and it influenced them. A Beatles does not exist today because our society does not encourage it.

Frankly, there exist many contemporary painters who I consider clearly superior to Van Gogh, and their society thought so as well. For whatever reason, our society doesn't value them as much as him. Our views have reversed.

I do not know if this makes sense at all. I'm sure that I'll see this tomorrow and wonder what I was thinking.

It's a problem to say this because it's just a truism. Genius implies some sort of exceptional work; seeing what nobody thought to look for. People aren't geniuses. They produce genius. Von Neumann was clearly exceptional, but was he "a genius"? His output was exceptional. He planted seeds and definitely did not wait for ideal conditions. We may debate the legends of his cognitive abilities - eidetic memory - but he absolutely was a "workaholic". He never won a Nobel Prize or a Fields Medal, as if to imply his output was not of the quality of genius.

You see this behavior in many communities; fantasizing. Visit www.reddit.com/r/languagelearning and you will find a group of people who discuss about "language learning" and few people learning a foreign language.

The topics are always similar; "which book", "which audio course", "which foreign language", et cetera. They seek perfect conditions, and they do not exist. They fantasize about how great their life will be once they obtain these perfect conditions. Eventually, they may move on to another subject, as their interest wanes, and repeat this cycle.