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You already made a big step by reaching out here in public on HN and this is very good.

Talking to anonymous people on the Internet is very likely not enough, as you already stated.

Again, I think you should talk to a professional and finding such a hotline - wherever you live - hopefully should not be that difficult.

Thanks and full ACK to nexuist.

Are we here to help a human in struggle or are we more interested to discuss the level of (mental) health care in nation state XYZ in detail?

I commented to hopefully help the OP in struggle; regardless of the nation state the OP is living in.

Wherever the OP lives, I am very sure that there is INITIAL help very close for free in terms of money; wherever the journey will end and however it will look like.

Talking to someone will help. We are all human beings.

I have a very good friend who is struggling with mental health as well and his situation started to become worse since Covid-19.

As others already commented, please ASAP reach out to a professional. I don't know where you live, but I am very sure such a hotline exists pretty close to you.

My friend called such a hotline and he got help and he is better now.

I know this is a huge step to take, but reaching out will help and it is professionals taking care and they know what they do.

Whatever your circumstances are, someone will pick you up again.

Please call; there is no reason to feel embarrassed for whatever.

PS: I've been reading HN for years now and never commented here, but I just signed up now to reach out to you.