throwawaydev00

From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for your support everyone.

I’m far from out of the woods yet, without all the support and suggestions shown here I don’t want to imagine how much worse off I’d be today.

First thing this morning I spoke to someone at my work about my isssues. It was difficult to work up the courage to speak, but I kept all of the support you had all given me to heart and knew what I had to do. I was open and told them exactly what was going on. I mentioned the fact I was seeking treatment and was up front about the exact issues I’ve had.

I had resigned to the fact I had lost the job, but was offered an extension on my performance improvement plan.

Despite the trouble I caused for myself by not coming forth to them about this earlier, I do want to be there, and their willingness to accommodate me solidified my resolve to solve my issues without leaving. I left my last job over these same issues and if anything, things got worse. This time I’m determined to fight

I’ll continue seeking treatment with a therapist and a psychiatrist. And while I was honest to both to myself and my employer about the fact that I can’t expect an overnight improvement, I feel like a tremendous weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Yesterday I truly felt like I was suffocating. I can at least breath again, and I owe that all to each and every one of you.

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First I want to apologize for only replying to a comment like this.

I've read all of them and I've decided to just be open with my employer about what I told you all. If they've decided to fire me I don't think it could make things worse, but if they're on the fence, currently I can barely even function. The additional stress of wondering is causing me to shut down in a way I haven't experienced before, and I figure handling that will be better than nothing.

But to your comment, I feel like I gave all the details there are. I don't gain anything by lying or hiding anything. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I felt paralyzed when I wrote this post and my goal really was to "dump" the situation and see what other people could pull from it. I could barely move my feet in front of each other leaving the office today let alone think straight about this situation.

And I don't think I implied I was happy with where my savings were, but they've pretty much held me up the best they could. I've only been working professionally for 2 years of my life and only really made enough to save "properly" for a little under 1 year.

Between the cost of moving (including rental trucks security deposits, etc) and those mishaps, someone whose career has only really paid a real salary for 2 years would be hit hard regardless of lifestyle.

And "few mishaps" is 2 not-at-fault car accidents, the second of which left me carless for 5 months (insurance only covers rentals for 30 days).

Add copays for 3 months of PT, a few trips to urgent care when I came down with a respiratory infection and really, "a few mishaps" wiped out what was left of my savings.

I only replied to this because reading the rest of these comments has given me some hope and at least a path forward until tomorrow morning, but I hate the idea of someone in a similar position to me reading a comment like yours. There's no need to get sanctimonious to someone who's already down.