poggies

I'm going to reply with the correct thing that you might not like. The correct answer would be to go to a counselor and talk with them about the problem. I always argue that people should not try finding solutions to their mental struggles online, and with any type of medical stuff. I see that you earn a good buck, and I think that you can afford a couple of sessions. So, take some time to get the courage and start it.

Feels to me like you have an Imposter syndrome, which can really take a tool upon a mental health. It is really common within the IT people. Regarding to motivation. People are built of habits. Once you start rolling out anything consistently, it will turn into a habit and you wont even feel it.

If you like Erlang or Elixir, you will love Gleam.