pdrummond

"All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone." --Blaise Pascal

Some highlights (none of them mine!) include "Kellraiser", "Jingle Kells", "Skellington", "Two kellholes are better than one", "For whom the Kells toll" and last but not least, "Kell Block H"!

I don't agree that GML is designed for people who are not programmers though. I actually grew rather fond of GML (The language in Game Maker Studio) over the 2 years I learned to work with it (and that's coming from an experienced Software Engineer (TypeScript, Go, Clojure, Java, C/C++)). It's not perfect by any means, but it's very easy to get started with, has lots of features designed specifically for 2d gamedev, is actively improved by YoYo Games and getting better all the time. And it allows for rapid experimentation which was a huge benefit during development on Kells, given how many ideas where repeatedly thrown away.

This project was never intended to be a full time job (or even lead to one) and it was never about making money, either. If that were the goal I would have probably ended up with a very different game in order to appeal to the mainstream and give me more chance of (monetary) success.

For me this game was more about the process of creating something that is 100% an expression of me (and my son). I created it for the sake of creating it, nothing more. And I enjoyed every second of the process to the point where it's kind of sad it's over now. That's not to say it was always easy mind - it was painfully difficult sometimes and I almost give up in frustration and disillusionment many times.

In the end, as it turned out, it wasn't the gravity mechanic that was too confusing, it was how haphazardly I initially implemented it. After months of playtesting and tweaking the difficulty curve in the early levels, I finally hit the sweet spot (which was measured based on feedback from play testers - mainly family, friends and a few colleagues).

If we didn't have the ability to "layer up" moments in our minds, we probably wouldn't be able to make sense of music or speech for example.

Reminds me of my favourite film Memento. If the protagonist forgot everything every nanosecond instead of every 10-30 minutes or so, he would probably be completely in touch with reality and have no concept (or illusion) of time. If you put two Leonard Shelby's in a room and lock the door and observe what happens, they will eventually bump into each other but only from the observer's perspective (his mind observing the layering of moments). Neither Shelby will be aware of how many times they have bumped into each other or what "bumping into someone" is like (because even something as small as bumping into another person is hundreds of little moments layered together in the mind).

My advice would be to simply switch your focus from you to others. What can you do with all that experience to help others? I think people often misinterpret this kind of advice to mean the only way forward is to drop everything and go volunteer in a soup kitchen or start doing charity work. While there is nothing wrong with those things of course - it's important to pick something you genuinely care about. Otherwise it's your ego making the decision for you. If you don't genuinely love and care about how you help others, it won't work out.

Start by figuring out what your message is then decide on a medium to express it. Many people start by trying to write - maybe it's the start of a book, or a blog post or even just a private journal. I recommend writing as it's extremely easy to get started and the quickest route to realising what you don't know about what you don't know. So then - temporarily at least - the game turns into a quest for knowledge. Once you've plugged all the gaps, maybe you'll continue to write to get your message across. Or maybe you'll choose to express it through music or painting or a video game or a YouTube channel or blogging or giving a talk or starting a new business, or something else altogether? Pick whatever medium you love working with the most.

If you can avoid the trap of letting your ego take over and stay disciplined enough to do the hard work necessary to get your message out there for the purpose of helping others, it should make you feel better over time. If you slip into doing it for the success or the money or to show off around your friends, then you'll probably continue to feel the way you do now.

One of the things I love doing is making video games (with a lot of help from my son!). But my goal when deciding what game to make isn't to be "successful" by making a lot of money or using it as a springboard to start a business or whatever. If that were the goal I would end up with a completely different game that I probably wouldn’t enjoy making as I would always be consumed by the fear of making something that appeals to as many people as possible in order to maximise profit. It's not about making something I can sell. It's about sharing something I loved making.

I've recently just finished my first original game and it genuinely won't matter to me one bit if no one plays it except me and my son (and hopefully the rest of my family!). I had so much fun making it that I’m actually a bit sad that it’s over! That is the definition of success for me - finding a project that I truly enjoyed working on every day for a year and a half for no other reason that I wanted (needed?) it to exist. That doesn't mean I don't want to make money from the game though if possible! That would be great! But the happiness I get from trying to sell it is completely different from the happiness I got from making it. I'm in the process of trying to market the game now and trying to dive deep into it, looking for ways to enjoy each part of the process. But if I try for a while and can’t find a way to enjoy it, I will just stop and move onto the next game.

So in a nutshell, if I genuinely try to focus on doing the things I love every day (and I have many, many things to choose from - video games is just one example), then I am happy and if indeed there is a point to life, I think being happy every day (in the true sense of the word) is it.