painful

I agree with the part that says Agile (and Scrum in particular) is drinking the koolaid. Managers who don't themselves write any code, but micromanage their workers with their version of Scrum, are the worst.

Agreed 100%

This seems like a narrowly thought out proposal. Contrary to what Wikimedia may think and see today, Wikipedia is not the future. The future is something closer to robotopedia or machinepedia or autowikipedia, if you get what I'm saying. The name Wikimedia is fine.

I have seen the future, and there is no place for human writers in it.

As an American, I'm frankly sick of the US inaction on climate change. It makes me hate being an American. It almost makes me want to live somewhere saner from a climate pov. (Disclaimer: I'm a pacifist.)

Is there a single programming language for which static analyzers are a part of the language rather than external tools?

Have you actually found cold-start delays to be an issue with serverless services, or are you just speculating? To my knowledge, the cloud provider keeps enough instances hot based on a forecasted demand. I have not found cold-start delays to be a real issue.

I recommend against using Zeit. I tried their offering this year and it was too much in beta. I honestly couldn't even get a basic service deployed because my defined dependencies wouldn't install. My web service deployed fine using the serverless offering of another cloud that I won't name, although it was not AWS. As a disclaimer, I have no conflict of interest.

Granted it's an opinion, but if you've been through as much scrum as I have, especially if you're a senior developer, you'd know it's a true article.

It's an extremely serious article. If you think it's good for a laugh, the joke's on you.