justanything

Can you eli5 the implementation and how your prototype worked?

How did you do that? how did you overcome "hard-wired" traits?

I am working on the determination aspect but it is so slow and frustrating, plus any time I am learning, I get flashbacks of my own failures and also thoughts of how everyone else is so much ahead.

There is no meaning to life, the only meaning I can have is family and money. I failed one and the other I can't get

That's fucked up for me, I would rather die

Although, my bio parents and grandparents were white-collar or white collar adjacent at least. And one of my bio grandpa was very conscientious and active well into old age

Haha, I don't know why I love writing about how shit I am, probably because I am hoping for some miracle

Nope, pretty high on T but without any of the pros of having high T

I need money to be here. and to have decent money, i need to have skills, which i have to learn, which i am not able to do

I am not wired to get intrinsic motivation from anything. period.

I do owe my parents, firstly because I am adopted and secondly, they went above and beyond for me in every way they could. Thank you for the kind words, I appreciate them.

I am trying small daily improvements now, for the millionth time. But the fear and the guilt is overwhelming, and I am never gonna catch up to other normal people, much less high earners. And then there is AI.

The only hanging I intend to do is from a noose.

I don't like or gel with mediocre people, why do you think I wanna terminate myself? I never wanted to be mediocre

Well, how will I live if I don't make money or am useful. I appreciate your words, but this world is no utopia, humans have always had to have some utility to exist since the days we evolved into our current form. We are just slightly better animals, and wildlife is brutal. And, so is this world we inhabit.

I already got tested for it by multiple different professionals, they seem to think I don't have it. And people with adhd are everywhere in the tech industry, it did not stop them from learning or becoming great engineers.

I have tried strattera, vyvanse, and some other meds i can't even remember, none worked and only made me more suicidal

I don't see any hope for me.I have no capacity to work hard, learn technical shit, love people, sense of responsibility, anything. I just wanna go, but I need money before I end it