hx781

Thanks for your advice, it's very meaningful to me to get any sort of guidance on this issue. Management isn't something I've ever really considered. A large part of me has always wanted to "stick my hands in the mud", and truly be one of the people that "built something". Not to denigrate managers in any way, they absolutely are important and contribute to a project, but they work at a level I never really wanted to. I suppose I should give it a try though, and see if I like it.

I do know that I am not very good at leadership stuff, from how my yearlong project in my university has gone. I don't quite understand politics or people much in general, and on top of that, I don't really get how to efficiently distribute work, maintain a big picture view of a project, or steer things in general.

I find it interesting, yes. I did not do it for the money; I don't think it's ever been the main thing that motivated me to do the degree (though of course I was indirectly influenced by that seeing how I know lots of people who use that as their motivation).

I also just feel embarassed because frankly, I can tell my class is supposed to be easy. Not drop dead easy, but it's not supposed to be super hard, and I still feel like I struggle too much. My university is okay, it's not ranked poorly (for whatever that's worth), but it is not a top tier university which would subject its students to incredibly difficult work. It very strongly feels that the stuff I am doing should not take too long (were I to do it myself in isolation, with only the internet to help me), but it feels like I need too much help from my friends and other resources. At times I cannot finish in time, and I need to resort to using their help to get through my assignment, and I absolutely hate it. I despise not being able to stand on my own feet. I don't mean I'm unwilling to accept help of any kind, because that's stupid, but I would like to feel that I would be capable to doing some part of things myself -- because I know I won't always have friends to help me.