cypherofreal1ty

How longterm is it on average? Because i cant live with the person i am :(

believing my own bullshit only made things worse for me since i thought i am smart enough to do it tomorrow and never did.

i need something different since i have had tried to improve so many times :(

I want to work hard, but i am not even able to do the bare minimum work that is needed. Second, i want to work in such a way that i derive enough value (money) and not still be at the mercy of inflation and the various financial "Traps". So, two obstacles i do not know how to cross.

Could you maybe mentor me? xD

Of course i am depressed, i have had some other revelations in the past 2 years that have shattered my psyche even more. You see, i was raised in a family where there is strong belief in God and living a good, honest and hard working life. but i finally realized that this entity my loved ones so strongly believe in to get through tough times and help people selflessly is a sham, that has caused terrible suffering that we can never quantify, probably is also the reason for our senseless overpopulation.

So it turns out life is inherently meaningless with no higher purpose, and i also wasted a lot of it daydreaming about making it big, and making the world a better place but put zero effort in that or any other facet of living.

Since life really doesn't have meaning, having money would atleast give me and my loved ones security and the ability to do nothing (which i love) but to get there, i need to be a productive, crazily-driven tech czar or something similar. And what better place to ask this than Hackernews. America's crazy work culture is why the country and it's people are so success and i want a piece of that pie.

Haha :D i would have loved it if that was possible.

i am honestly not even that good a person to my loved ones, that makes things worse. i just wanna be a successful person who doesn't have to worry about money and tech is a good way to get there since i don't really know how to deal with and understand people either

i have had goals like that and i did nill to achieve them and i hate myself for it.

Since we live in a winner-take-all society, one has to morph to be able to thrive in such an environment and i want to. i am from a place where the killer instinct is a necessity and the price of failure is too high (believe me, i know it very well). i have no choice but to become the type-A finance/tech millionaire to ever hope to become one.

> If you're LARPing, you have a flair for writing.

Not larping sadly, this is real. Thank you, i do not know if you are being kind with the compliment but either way, even having flair for writing is useless in the age of LLMs haha.

You could be onto something there, i have tried this and it works but i am not able to be anywhere close to as productive as i should be and i do not know why

How long did it take for the meds to work? I have to different doses for a month each but did not see any effect, partly because i would sometimes not take the med on time.

i did consult an adhd specialist who said that i am unlikely to have it. and i don't have hyperfocus either, which seems to be common in adhd. even though i have tried to trick myself into getting interested in scientific and technical areas, my mind just shuts down or refuses to learn :(

I am not even able to do that, and that is the problem, I am not even a run-of-the-mill human and since atleast a decade, (atleast i thought or fantasized that) i have always wanted to be this driven person who achieves great things, and earns enough money that money is no object but other bigger, deeper things are what drive me but here i haven't done shit, partly because whenever a complex subject is put in front of me, i have used some or other avoidance technique to push to learn it later and never did.

Now i am trying to learn C++ from scratch but it's going agonizingly slowly, because some thing in me prevents me from being able to actually write the code on the screen and i don't know why.