burnoutsysadmin

I did therapy / group therapy for about 9 years, but decided that it would be healthiest to leave San Francisco / America, and where I live now they don't really have therapists (and I've yet to grasp the language).

I reached out on HN mostly because I'm hoping to find some other crazy old men, as I've known quite a few people in my direct career field who I could be describing in this way (washed up young, formerly successful, diagnosed bi-polar or schizophrenic (I'm thankful I'm not schizophrenic. I've been to a few funerals for them. Most people my age from the bay would remember a sysadmin named SLF when I say this). )

My kid I don't interact with much, I decided a long time ago it was better to keep them shielded from my craziness. Now it's just text messages & international adventures once a year.

I'd do anything to leave tech, but I didn't even go to high school, I don't have any real options. None that pay a six figure salary, or even 1/2 that.

Every time I sell a company, or get fired, I tend to take 2-4 months off to backpack around the world, or find a new hobby / learn a new interest.. Then the reality that living in hostels doesn't pay the bills sets in and I have to go back to the real world.

Aye, I've been on Lamotrigine for a decade now. It's the only thing I've had which didn't come with devastating negatives. Anti-depressants hospitalized me several times when I first started down this route. I think we went through a dozen different drugs over a 3 year period before lamotrigine + provigil created a modicum of stability.

> I have something of a cyclic regularity to my episodes (although what I have hasn't been clear cut episodes for a few years now) and I can see it getting better year after year.

I'm jealous of regularity. I'm ultradian cycling, they can last months, or days. As I get older, I don't get the joy of the manic highs anymore. I miss that quite a bit.

I'm from America, but don't live there, there's really not much of a social fabric. I couldn't even pay child support off of what I'd get, and I'd have to physically be in-country to qualify for any of that.