ambivalents

Neat! Subscribed.

I try to listen for the feeling behind/under the words being spoken. Ask yourself why they're saying the thing they're saying, and try to respond to that.

Thanks for sharing. I resonate with so much of what you say, particularly this: >>or perhaps they believe they already do it with an internal monologue. This is the typical justification I use for when I'm not in the mood to journal.

And your comments about ADHD, being more intentional with people, and living a prosocial-oriented life. I too could easily veer down a hermit-like path but deliberately effort not to. And I used to think that a personal CRM was overkill and such detailed tracking of others a waste of time. I haven't implemented anything yet, but I see the value of it now. Relationships are cumulative, interactions build off of each other. Remembering salient details in prior interactions (e.g. from my recent life, little tidbits I could find useful: Rachel deeply loves her mom. Ana is aware that I get car sick easily and made an accommodation for me, etc etc...)can enhance future ones.

I'm intrigued by this viewpoint and want you to elaborate more! Why is getting smarter the worst goal to have? Do you think it's useful to get very smart at something specific, or does it amount to the same as not being smart at all?

Asking as someone perpetually soothing myself with advice about diet, alcohol, spirituality, etc.

Meaning, the eventual payout is rarely what you think it is?

Reminds me of Law 38 from "48 Laws of Power": think as you like, but behave like others.

Couldn't this prove the point that we don't equate movement with intelligence, though? Who's to say animals also don't possess this intelligence? Maybe we'd have to go down the chain then, to more inert species like plants and fungi, though they also possess intelligence I can't begin to comprehend.

Agreed, and I'll add that you don't have to be overly interested in metrics/fitness/quantified self to derive benefit from this.

For instance, I care little about the measurements of any given run or walk, I rarely even look at them when I'm done, but just the recording itself on my Apple Watch subtly motivates me to work harder and go longer. It becomes more of a 'workout' than a passive activity.

>> When I leave a job, I've kept the good friends, even hired some of them.

This is key for me too. When I was in a stressful people manager role, sorting through conflict and personalities every day, my favorite manager would always say 'people over companies.' Even if you have no intention of leaving your job or being friends with your coworkers, this thought brings everyone to the same level - we are all people who happen to be organized around this fictional thing called a company.

I feel for this writer. Whoever you are - you might be struggling but you are also so aware, even when you say you're not, and that's the first step if you do want to change. I imagine there are legions of others going through the same cycles that can continue this blissful mindless existence day after day, but they may eventually look back and wonder what their life was even for.

My two cents - turn inwards for a little while. Fascinate yourself with yourself. Learn everything about yourself. From there you will find a purpose, which I think is what you're lacking so you let others fill up that space.

Meditating can help you separate all these stories you have about yourself from the true you, which is beyond words. Sit in silence and learn what it's telling you.

This kinda just reads like a post hoc rationalization for a career decision. 'Leaving Google' is supposed to mean something momentous, but it isn't. It's a career decision, like many of us make at least several times through out life.

May I ask what your practices were that led you to the dark night, and how you then came out the other side? After years of meditation I've kicked it up a notch this past year, and feel like I'm approaching that dark night period. My feelings are somewhat muted, my previous interests and passions have dulled. It's hard to see the point in doing anything.

>> feeling a calling to do something to help others or even the whole world

I would like to get to this place. I try to remember this from A Course in Miracles when I'm feeling pressured to perform:

I am here only to be truly helpful. I am here to represent Him Who sent me. I do not have to worry about what to say or what to do, because He Who sent me will direct me. I am content to be wherever He wishes, knowing He goes there with me. I will be healed as I let Him teach me to heal. (T‑4.XI.8:2‑6)

I take it even further. Emotionally distance yourself from your cravings, sure, but also your entire body. I now think of my body as separate from 'me,' my soul. But I do need my body to express my soul. So I take care of it, I give it what it needs, I exercise it. Counterintuitively, this practice makes me love and respect my body more than I ever did when I equated body and self.