Peach_blue

Clicking the wrong flightpath in WoW classic. That would cost you time that felt like an eternity back then.

That sounds awful. Especially noticing it changes you as a person.

I hope you find a way to deal with it that is acceptable.

When making decisions they say you should toss a coin. And then when it's in the air look within to see what you are secretly hoping for.

After posting this I was instinctively hoping that HN would talk me out of a career in IT. So maybe I already have my answer. I thought of deleting it, but if somebody just read this and took the time to answer I wouldn't want the thread to be gone.

That's pretty weird, because just a couple of days ago I thought to myself that this exact connection surely exists.

It was just an observation about myself and many people who I know well enough to make a judgement about that particular thing.

You can probably correlate a dozen more things with childhood abuse.

Alcohol and substance abuse, academic underachievement, depression, chronic illness, incarceration, accident proneness, anxiety...

Some psychologist whose name I can't remember once said that if childhood trauma was understood correctly, the DSM-5 would shrink to the size of a small pamphlet, because 95% of all mental illness is merely a symptom of childhood abuse or neglect.

Especially the effects of emotional abuse are grossly underestimated in western society. We are so entrenched in it that we can't see it anymore. Like fish don't see water.

The game is maybe a 6.5/10 but the comments made it a solid 10/10 experience for me and put the first smile of the day on my face.

To be honest I probably didn't think this through well enough.

After some of the responses I realized that a group is probably not going to help much. Answers to questions can be had from various forums and I was probably looking for something like emotional support, or a 'tribe'. Like the Odin project. But if it's not already out there getting together with just a couple of people on discord won't lead to anything 99% of the time.

So I won't pursue a group anymore but I do thank everyone for their thoughts. And if others want to get together they still have the opportunity.

Ok, I have an Alan Kay talk running right now, and I think I know where you are coming from with the humanism thing.

I do in fact intend to use the CS knowledge for what I consider a good cause. Not just to get a job.

Thank you for your thoughts, I will keep that in mind. What do you mean with humanism (I did Google it) and how would computer literacy follow that?

I'm in my mid thirties and I worked with people most of my life. I'm looking to pour my ambition into something different now. I know the word 'hobbyists' is in the title, maybe that was a mistake. I intend to use the knowledge for a career down the line. I just don't want to be somebody who learns to code in 6 months and then is thrown into the arena. I want to really understand stuff and then see where the path leads me, because I have the luxury of taking my time.

Sure, let's see who else might be interested.

It's not hard to explain why you feel terrible working those hours considering what you get out of it.

What is more interesting/worrying is how you describe yourself as a loser, despite doing very, very demanding work and actually still succeeding at it. (At least by the standards of your company, else they would've let you go 3 years back)

Your own standards, however, seem to be so high that it's clearly harming you psychologically. I know some people will scoff at the suggestion, but in my experience that almost always comes from childhood.

Grab yourself the book "The Tao of Feeling Fully" by Pete Walker and see if you resonate with it. Even if your first instinct is "No way, my childhood was great", I would still (maybe especially) suggest you give it a read. If it's not for you that's 15 bucks gone, if it hits the nail it might literally save your life.

I wish you all the best.

I appreciate your comment and the honesty.

Funny thing is, I considered coding because I didn't see my natural talent as a copywriter (not in english) to be recession proof enough. Then everyone talked about how coders are in such demand etc.

I never stopped to think that tech is an industry like any other. And that when the economy tanks all those start-ups and companies who are willing to gamble on an inexperienced junior dev will behave very differently.

Doesn't speak for my problem solving skills, actually. Lol.

I will surely re-evaluate my motivations.