19032019_anon

I've considered that. I've considered applying for a job as an auto mechanic. I like working with my hands. However, other than basic stuff like changing oil and spark plugs, I'm relatively uneducated about working on cars.

That seems to be a common theme. I'm not opposed, but my health insurance situation is...complicated. (What with leaving my job etc) This country's healthcare system is absurd, but that's a discussion for another thread.

The problem is, I don't know what I want out of life right now. I like to drink and party, but that's not a "mission." I would like a wife and children someday, but not soon. Same thing with home ownership. I don't really know what I want immediately.

> but the reality is that the point of working is to get money so you can fund your life.

When I left X, I got some severance pay. So my life right now is essentially funded, and I still feel lost.

Sleep answered in a comment above.

No, I haven't been to a doctor. I assume this is all mental. Is it possible I've developed a chronic, physical illness? What would be an example?

I've considered that. I might be clinically depressed now, but since it's not nearly as bad as I used to be, I write it off as "I'm fine. I've been much worse."

I really hate the idea of taking mind-altering medication regularly. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child (erroneously, I believe) and took medication everyday for years. A few years ago, I deemed it no way to live and weened myself off of it.

As a transitionary step, though, I guess I'd be open to it.

Ah, yes. I didn't touch on sleep. It has wavered over the months. It's better now, but not perfect. Often I sleep more than 8 hours, even though I have alarms set for 0800 and 0900. I do use melatonin when I have difficulty falling asleep. I think a lack of a "need" to wake up at a certain time (for work) induces laziness in me.

Isn't that what I'm more or less doing now? Other than the "dumb job" part? There is no pressure on me to do anything, really. (Except pressure I put on myself to exercise once a day) I spend large quantities of my time watching Netflix/playing video games. Isn't that "just existing"?

Something else missing in my life? Possibly. Well, in university, it definitely was. I hated (and I still do to some extent) the whole high school/university/9-5 career pipeline. I wanted nothing to do with FANG etc. I saw X as my "way out." My light at the end of the tunnel. My escape from the rat race that I so vehemently opposed.