Comment by jacques_chester

You sound like you have depression.

Depression is treatable. See a doctor as soon as possible.

Pick up the phone.

Right now.

Pick up the phone and call a doctor. Make an appointment. For today if possible.

Right now.

Once you've done that, call a help line. Immediately.

Depression is treatable. You are not alone. It can and does get better. There is no need to suffer.