I had a miscarriage at 10w (baby measuring 6w). For many months, I was haunted by things like going in for my first doctor's appointment and seeing my empty uterus on the screen. I thought about all those people, like the receptionist in the waiting room, who said "congrats" even though there was nothing to congratulate me for. I opted for medical management but didn't take the drugs until the pain was unbearable. Although that was the single worst 45m of my life, I don't think about it as much.
I am pregnant again, but I am not the same. I am not excited, I am not making plans. We waited to tell our parents until 13 weeks. Even though I'm showing, I've told the people who absolutely need to know because I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to have a baby shower because I don't want to have to look all the stuff if the baby ends up dying.
I participate in /r/Miscarriage, /r/ttcafterloss, and /r/pregnancyafterloss. People there are sad about losses that happened months, years, sometimes even 10 years ago. They - we! - are triggered by pregnant women, our original due dates (next week for me), the idea of getting pregnant again.
It's a surprise to me that we're able to call this a discovery. I feel like a Native American talking to Christopher Columbus.
I am pregnant again, but I am not the same. I am not excited, I am not making plans. We waited to tell our parents until 13 weeks. Even though I'm showing, I've told the people who absolutely need to know because I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to have a baby shower because I don't want to have to look all the stuff if the baby ends up dying.
I participate in /r/Miscarriage, /r/ttcafterloss, and /r/pregnancyafterloss. People there are sad about losses that happened months, years, sometimes even 10 years ago. They - we! - are triggered by pregnant women, our original due dates (next week for me), the idea of getting pregnant again.
It's a surprise to me that we're able to call this a discovery. I feel like a Native American talking to Christopher Columbus.