Ask HN: Any advice for a programmer who has hit rock bottom?

Throw away because my other account is quite active on here. I was diagnosed with depression a few years ago and since then have made peace with it. I am under medication, but it's barely helping. Recently I switched job to a very good tech company with good quality work and pay. The plan was to join a startup in a year or two and see where it takes me.

However, things have been going downhill. I have 10 years of programming experience and I would say I am above average at it. Since the past few weeks, I have grown anxious and fearful of anything that's remotely challenging. So much so that I have started lying to take leave from work. I like my work but cannot muster the courage to do it. I fear letting my team down. I am always afraid and anxious. It's horrible living in fear. Guilt has become a normal feeling. I cannot bear lying to my awesome colleagues. I cannot decide what to study. My programming confidence is taking a hit. Everything looks bleak. I have even thought of giving up and taking a job where I don't have to think much, like an assistant or librarian or low level management associate. It's like I am just waiting to die...

Any advice will help. Thanks HN.