whilestanding

I was an early boot camper around 2012, taught myself the basics of web dev and did some contracting for about a year. I had some job offers but I didn’t feel right about the people and just the whole industry, so I moved back to the Midwest and ended up working in a factory. I’ve kept up with HN the whole time. I work very hard and my base wage isn’t that impressive but I can make 6 figures if I put the overtime in. It’s a tough but honorable way to make a living and I’m stronger mentally and physically that I ever would be in any sort of office environment. When I come home I’m totally guilt and worry free, I’ve done my part and earned my relaxation time. I plan on staying busy physically until 55 and making as much as I can. After that I’d like to consider doing something less physically demanding. My choice has its trade offs but I’m doing better every year and IT seems to constantly boom bust so I feel pretty confident in my choice.

Increasingly looking like my decision to give up bootcamping myself into a coastal tech job and come back home to the midwest and work in a factory was the correct choice long term. Plenty of job security with all the onshoring happening. Ironically I'd be worried if I was in tech about the WFH trend and out of touch entitlement of the zoom class bringing about outsourcing again. Oh and the funny money ponzi scheme collapsing + that whole ageism thing..

The foundational ideas of the secret was found in think and grow rich, an old book.

Check out the underachievers manifesto. A short book that's right in line with what you're thinking in this post.

It's possible I was vulnerable to this flawed thinking before this. But at the end of the day it doesn't matter too much to me if the chicken or egg came first. And in the long run I don't know if it helped or hurt me due to the butterfly effect. But I do know I regret it and if I had the choice to go back in time I would have stayed away from psilocybin.

The psilocybin gave me a God complex delusion due to the hallucinations ideas and feelings I had during the trip. unfortunately I didn't shake the fundamental world view I gained after the trip until objective reality tossed me around enough to snap out of it.

I 100% take responsibility for the choices I made including the choice to take the drug in the first place.

However, the God complex delusion I attribute to the mushrooms.

Thank you! I actually logged off my HN account for a day so I didn't see my karma because I assumed I'd be downvoted for my anecdote and didn't feel like arguing with narrative pushers.

You're welcome. I was not being treated for anything it was just for recreation and I was under no supervision. I'm all for studying the medicinal effects of it.

I definitely think Psilocybin gave me negative long term effects. I wish I would have never taken Psilocybin. I didn't even have a bad trip, it was the ideal kind of experience a lot of people seem to strive for. I had the cliche "spiritual awakening" type of experience. It make me incredibly narcissistic and allowed my brain to think in a very "the universe is on my side" kind of way, and I was open to a lot of magical thinking and woo woo after the trip. I made a lot of goofy choices with too much idealism and gusto and not much of a plan and it set my life and career back when it didn't work out. It took almost ten years to slowly realize what was obvious to me before the mushrooms which is that I am not the center of the universe, and the world is a harsh place that doesn't owe anyone anything.

I feel I've been trying to do this for about a decade. It's not easy and our brains tend to focus on negative memories I think as a survival mechanism. Try and create new memories that aren't traumatic. That takes time and effort and good risk assessment. I agree with others here saying change your geography if possible. Change your habits, hobbies, lifestyle, social circle even clothes, the car you drive. Everything you can change do it. Usually your solutions to your problems create more problems but I guess that's just the journey of life and the pursuit of happiness.

One of the easiest pieces of advice I can give is to check out nature/relaxation videos on YouTube. There are these amazing videos 1-10hours long of nothing but peaceful music and beautiful scenery in the background. I put a 55 inch 4k TV in front of my bed and often just lie down and meditate on these wonderful images. I also watch them before I go to bed. In 4k it can be really beautiful if you just calm your mind and appreciate being given a tour of some of the most incredible sights on the planet. I practice gratitude that such a thing is even possible. This is a practice I will keep likely for the rest of my life as it's relatively affordable and doesn't require leaving the house. It also helps create new positive memories and just reminds you that life can be beautiful.

The Denial Of Death by Ernest Becker.

The Holy Bible by God.

You also may have joined yet another victim class echo chamber.

Mostly yes. I found I had more time and energy to take care of all the things in life that need constant maintenance like cars and motorcycles, housework, lawncare and my body. Basically everything in my life got objectively better, but subjectively I had to face my demons and issues soberly, and that is not easy. This is the abyss that I think people avoid staring into that makes them take the substances. And it very real and very dark I will say. The grass isn't necessarily greener on the sober side, but it is certainly healthier. I do still waste my time when I don't have energy or will to do something productive on things like videogames or zoning out watching twitch or youtube.

I've been able to quit all the substances I used to cope; cigarettes, marijuana, alcohol, after a rather depressing realization that in fact none of them made me feel better in the long run. Short term gains at the cost of long term financial physical and mental health. The model I use to think of it is that drugs steal life energy from your future and give it to you in the present. That's the devil's deal you're given.