twayamznacct

Thank you - I have thought about this on and off but the thought of speaking to someone about this in-person (or even over the phone) terrifies me to the point of almost breaking down just thinking about it.

I know it's irrational, and I know I need to do it, but that doesn't make it any easier :(

> I wasn't quite clear if the problem was the work or the company?

I honestly don't have a complete answer for this. I mean, I know the work is a major problem, but it's not the only factor by far. It's definitely the one front and center, however.

As for other "life" things, I believe I do well there. I get 8 hours of sleep, I exercise 4 days a week, eat healthy, etc. No relationships but I'm antisocial to a tremendous degree so there's not much helping me there.

I appreciate the comments. Thank you!

Everything I've read has led me to believe that whiteboard interviews for internal hires/transfers are still a thing at this particular company, so I've avoided even that...

For me, at least, the problem is something else. I never expected it to be "special" at any of these places...I'd likely be exactly this unhappy doing the same meaningless work I'm doing here, elsewhere. I just took the jobs because they paid well and, at least at the beginning, I was going to be doing things that were of reasonable interest.

I tried the "take time off route" once, and while it was alright, I was consumed with thoughts of whether or not I'd ever be able to get a job again, to the point where I couldn't enjoy it simply because I worried about the future (and it wasn't because I only had a few months of runway - living frugally I could have likely stretched my savings to two years or so, but the panic got to me after half a year).

I, quite frankly and totally honestly, don't see any way out at this point. I live life in an aimless fog, with no drive towards anything any more (which also makes it very difficult to do things like study for whiteboard-hazing).

I was at Amazon in the past but I am not currently there. That's as much as I'll narrow things down :)

-Edit- I used this acct as a throwaway in the past to respond to an Amazon-related topic and then just kept using it!

"Awful" would be the first word that comes to mind.

I've spent three years at my current position at one of the "big 5", and after the first 9 months there were reorgs and I haven't been doing the things I was hired to do since. Instead I work on things that I have zero interest towards, and can feel my soul being sucked out of me daily.

It has gotten to the point where I cannot even imagine heading in to work each morning. My entire body and mind rejects the notion. Somehow I manage to make it in on autopilot, and pretty much autopilot throughout the day. Any acts of sentience on my part while at the office are immediately doused with reminders of how much I hate all of this, and I quickly retreat back.

Unfortunately, this has done nothing but cause an ever-amplifying depression spiral. At this stage I can't even imagine trying to get another job as I don't think I'm capable of passing the whiteboard-hazing at any tech company given my current state of mind.

I'm just going to wither away here until the end I imagine.

To be fair: it's not "awful" by any traditional metric - I'm not being overworked, yelled at, treated like shit, etc. But acknowledging that doesn't help my thoughts, any.

Probably the one that isn't owned by two wealthy elite individuals...

Hahaha, you mean the vision where one wealthy elite gets even MORE power than everyone else?

I suppose it could be even worse though, it could be the upcoming UB fork.

I'd be curious to see any sort of proof (or, for lack of direct proof, something pointing the finger in this direction) in this.

I say that without sarcasm. A legitimate request.

Wealthy Elites losing and Wealth Elites gaining, while the normal folk just get to look on in disgust at both.

Sounds like the current state of cryptocurrencies for sure.

Just out of curiosity, why only BCash and not the other "big" forks of BTC (like Gold)?

Thoughts like these are what have really reduced my will to live.

If I had made a simple decision back then there's a good chance I'd never have to waste my life working again. I could have been freed by now, to live a life dedicated to whatever I wanted to do, whenever I wanted to do it.

Kinda like how a third-party prints USDT in the cryptocurrency case ;)

I was going to be smarmy and post a lmgtfy link with the contents "Wash trading price increase" but decided against it.

There's a reason why wash trading is regulated against.