throwaway2018-2

One of the things that really scares me about working with a therapist is that I have suicidal thoughts a lot. Like, I don't deserve to be alive or that I want to die. I'm still pretty productive, make a good salary, was recently promoted. I'm scared that if I were really open about these feelings, something bad would happen, that I could be hospitalized. Which feels like a real step backwards to me. A step towards not actually getting better.