theanine

I do see a therapist and it's helped a lot. I think I'm just struggling now because I haven't been able to be seen during quarantine.

I wrote nearly this exact message in my mood journal today. I haven't had it quite as bad as the author, but I'm extremely, and it feels like permanently, burned out of working for a business/corporation. I fundamentally hate it. I walked out of my first corporate job after a month and now that I'm on my second, all I can think about is walking out. I hate it. I hate it so much. Every single day feels like I'm ruining my life and disappointing every teacher, family member, and friend I've ever had. On the way to work I fantasize about getting in a car accident. Like the author, I can't think about intellectual things anymore - I was in a grocery store this weekend trying to decide between a $3.99 and $4.98 item and I couldn't figure out which was the lower number.

I've been thinking about quitting and going to work at a grocery store for a while. It's not going to pay well but it'll pay more than being dead if you know what I mean.

Thanks. I have a final interview next week at a somewhat boring company, but the pay would be nearly double and I think I'd be much much healthier, so I'll take that if I can get it.

Thanks for asking. Not really, and it's 100% work-related. I dread coming in to work and it's given me awful anxiety that's turned into occasional passive suicidal ideation. Once I leave work, I feel like a totally different person and all the symptoms disappear.

My boss calls me stupid, incompetent, r*tarded, and "like you have part of your brain missing". He grills me on literally everything I do, like why I'm getting up from my desk or why I'm eating what I brought for lunch. He interrupts everything I say and puts me down in front of other people. He took away benefits he knew I enjoyed, like being able to take college courses for free in unrelated areas like music and ceramics, and he banned me alone from making conversation with my work friends, and moved my desk away from them to his office so he can watch everything I do. I'm underpaid ($40k/year) and therapy sessions are $150 each, so I don't have much saved up to just quit and search for new jobs full-time. He threatens to fire me almost every day. I'm not sure how I'll ever get out, this started about a year ago and I've been applying every day since but haven't found anything. It's hard for me to believe that another job won't be the same thing.

Sorry if that's oversharing, but working here is draining my soul.

edit: thanks for all the support everyone, it means a lot :)