taparisbat3

wow, thanks :)

Both.

Can you elaborate on your changes?

See a therapist if you can.

I have opened myself to almost everyone near me.

No one can help but me.

The shame and guilt is deep inside me. It's me who's lost now. They try to be there but still...

I talked to them about this, they were like : "well how will you earn money?"

I feel like it has never been about me, but about my achievements. This has fucked up my sense of self.

I'm not even sure.. at the moment I'm lost. :)

I've lived abandonment, verbal and physical svuse, bullying and a war :)

It's difficult to sleep well when depressed.

Lately I wake up in panic, with only 3hours of bad sleep

I have suicidal ideations, shame and start isolating myself.. This is hard because I wait for people to come toward me but these people don't care so you just end up feeling alone and depressed.

I hope to figure this out in my life.

What do you mean by physically sick? Can you interact with people normally?

Me me world is difficult for me too but also because I find it difficult to handle stuff just by myself

I don't believe in the mission of my work. I actually feel guilty. The mentality around me feels just plain wrong.

And collecting with collègues, I think I'm just like you. Superficial chit-chat is difficult for me and I prefer when people get personal or just plain real on the discussion. Something I cannot find where I am because people are just superficial most of the time (well that's my point of view while being depressed).

I've only worked for a bank and this trading firm but I have always felt the pressure I put myself and the comparison to others. I can't be laid-back and take it easy.. It's unnatural and fake it til you make it is hard for me.

There's always the possibility to find work on upwork etc to do freelance stuff.

'one-off tech'? Yes your experience is awesome.

I ordered some actually :) will try and tell you

I don't enjoy it no. But I get to get bored easily with every job I have.