rodent_rodeo

I’ve had similar feelings. Sometimes an environment can truly be toxic but often, IMO, these urges come from a place of fleeing from yourself and disguise themselves in different appearances/urges.

This quote put it into perspective for me, even though I’ve only seen one or two episodes:

"A darkness carried in the heart can not be cured by moving the body from one place to another." —Season 3 Episode 6 - Dust to Dust, Babylon V

I spent a few years deeply contemplating suicide and made some pretty serious attempts. Ultimately, I reflected on the meaning and purpose of life, had an epiphany, found God, lost God, found God again and settled in with a family for the long haul.

Some people keep running from place to place all their lives, the ones I’ve met don’t seem to have ever accepted a reason for settling in and are just as restless at 70 as at 21.

Good luck, hope you find your peace. Peer support groups can help. Would also recommend Victor Frankenstein Man’s Search for Meaning and Fulton Sheens talks (last one is religious but he was one of the first TV superstars, highly educated, extremely eloquent, and palatable for mainstream of the time. He has good reflections on what is life, why are we here, etc and available on YouTube).

Sorry if my advice is too generic but my heart goes out to you. I really believe now that we all have a place in this world and that our “hearts are restless until they rest in God” - St. Augustine. Now maybe you find a different God than I did but I firmly believe the search is ingrained into our DNA and your restlessness is a prompt for deep reflection. Read up, make some sacrifices (give things up, eg stoicism for the pagans here), get some peer support, accept that somethings are going to suck, find peace.

It gets better though. I know that’s another platitude and I’ll spare you anymore.

In the article: The collectors involved are ex-employees and so are terrified. The rule was that you didn’t take anything, even if it had been thrown out. But if you loved film and knew it would be important one day, what did you do? So what we need now is an amnesty,” he said.

Are you referencing like pure nicotine liquids? Yeah vape juices that smell like jelly donuts, if a toddler/animal drinks a month supply in a few minutes it’s going to be bad news. Also, when people were mixing their own juices they’d be buying pure nicotine and getting poisoned.

“The dose makes the poison.”

Anyways, not going to list out all the pros and cons of nicotine as Andrew Huberman did that for us. He has a decent podcast that’s goes through it all.

No one really argues that it’s essential or beneficial in every way but it’s not the purported demon that the anti smoker lobby has made it out to be.

Many years ago, I heard the Japanese even put it into their drinks. I’ve tried searching for it now and found some iffy sources and outdated Reddit links and everything else is just e juice vape spam. Can any Japanese knowledgeable people confirm or deny this?

I bought some books of maps of the entire continent I’m on and put them in our cars. Seems like a reasonable emergency thing to do. I’m under no illusion that if some catastrophe happens that takes down the internet and or GPS that we will necessarily survive but would hate to die knowing I could have spent an extra $20-40 bucks and lived.

Counter point: I don’t eat raw uncooked mice nor lick my excrement shoot. Then again maybe it’s because I have unrefined country barn cats who are lacking culture.