mbech

Joined 13 years ago

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Member since

Nov 23

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If author had put in an internal check for "do I really believe what I'm about to say" and came back with a "yup" every time before speaking, I'd have no problems at all.

However, as I see it, the pleasant lie baked into the original case is essentially "regardless of what I might genuinely think about what you just said, I'm going to give a response to make you feel good about yourself thereby making me more likeable."

*rephrasing

Comment · 12 years ago

Or recognize that if they find what they do interesting, that is enough.

Exactly. I'd have few issues if the original author had used a canned response like "Oh, do you enjoy it?" or anything that didn't involve deception.

Comment · 12 years ago

The disingenuous aspect is simply having a canned response intended to induce positive feelings (intended to make them like you?) regardless of whatever they are saying. Even if it's often factually correct (e.g. "Everyone thinks they do difficult work") I still think it's insincere to have this line up your sleeve that you march out regardless of input from the other person.

Comment · 12 years ago

I'm all aboard with being pleasant and respectful of others, but find some aspects of this distasteful. Specifically, the portions of the author's "politeness" that involve performance, or adhering to a script I find off-putting. For example:

"Just ask the other person what they do, and right after they tell you, say: 'Wow. That sounds hard.' "

While it seems that many aspects of "politeness" are intended to trigger pleasant feelings in the other person (which seems harmless enough), I find it hard to be in favor of something so disingenuous. Even when it comes to small talk, I think one can be both respectful and charming without having to fall back on a script and cheapen the interaction.