loveudad

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Comment · 4 years ago

I'll emphasize that like anyone born before smartphones, she may wish she had more pictures and videos from decades ago. Assuming that, she may understand your point of view and accept being the subject.

Comment · 4 years ago

It's hard to say for someone I've never met.

My dad knew he hadn't much time so it probably helped. If your mother has a unique story (war, achievement, migration...) maybe she'll be inclined to tell it. Also, it's easier to talk about others, so you could ask her about her parents. Then you could switch to her.

I hope it helps.

Comment · 4 years ago

I enjoyed learning about how he lived decades ago. The 20th century brought so much change that there was a lot that surprised me.

Comment · 4 years ago

Does this answer your question? https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=32349581

Comment · 4 years ago

I talked about the questions here https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=32349581

As for the production, I found that having a couple of smartphones were good enough for me. You do want to have backup capture. I wish I had had a better mic setup to record both voices with proper gain but modern smartphones are pretty good. Then I used Kdenlive for putting things together.

Comment · 4 years ago

I think this covers most of it https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=32349581

I wish I had asked more though.

Comment · 4 years ago

I'm sorry to hear that. May I suggest that you try and record a small session with specific questions? From my small experience with family members suffering from this, they may be able to talk to a small extent about some subjects (not the ones you want but still talk). It'll probably be ungrateful at first, but it may be better than nothing down the road.

Comment · 4 years ago

I partially answered there https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=32349581

To be honest, I'm still under shock but what I feel is that I wish I had time to ask everything. The thing is you don't know what will resonate with them, so you have to ask a lot to have something to work with and connect to.

Comment · 4 years ago

I'm very sorry for your loss. The pain has been incredible for me.

I hope you'll get the opportunity to do it with your mother, doubly more so if she can shed light on your father's life.

Comment · 4 years ago

This sounds like a pretty good way to do it. I'd still recommend some video recordings because facial expressions and gesture language are something I want to remember.

My only plan is to share with family members and ensure records don't get lost.

Comment · 4 years ago

I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm very fortunate that he didn't have dementia so he could articulate some thoughts. I hope your story will push others to act before it's too late.

Comment · 4 years ago

I'm asking myself the same thing but I think there's an issue with succinctness. I don't want to make them watch/read hours of me rambling. If there is a lot of content, it has to be searchable. I think private, static-file blogging could be a good format with some occasional video for less important talk.

Comment · 4 years ago

I'm so sorry that you and others in the comments weren't able to do it. I was undeservedly lucky that he lived long enough, healthy enough and that he partly recovered thanks to blood transfusions. Even then, I (and he) wasted years and haven't had many adult conversations with him and I'll miss those too.

Comment · 4 years ago

I agree, I feel that I only scratched the surface unfortunately but even then I'm glad that I cleared some big misconceptions about him. Spending a few hours to ask direct questions could lead to a big progress from 15% to 20% or more. Plus, there are the voice and video.

Comment · 4 years ago

I waited way too long to act on it and the reason was I just felt I didn't know enough to ask relevant questions. When the urgency came, I threw together something that I honestly feel a bit ashamed about and I couldn't execute fully because of time.

Anyway, some thoughts:

    * Do it chronologically, start with their birth, their family, the childhood, the house, the toys, the games, school... then their adult life, their work...
    * Something I was interested in was how life was like back in the day, food, comfort, customs. Anything that interests you and that they may have a opinion or an historical perspective about.
    * You may use world events to help anchor questions but it didn't work well for me.
    * A good question template is "what was the best childhood/parenthood/travel/work/X memory?"
    * Last, I added the themes (most I didn't have time to ask about): education, religion, regrets, health (especially hereditary issues), war...
    * When dealing with memory issues, help if you can but do not contradict too much because it may make them give up. Depending on their mental state, the point may be just to hear them talk and not to have a detailed account of events.
    * Cut the phone. I'm very upset that too many of his last waking hours I spent with him he spent on bullshit phone calls (old people get many).

Edit: added some thoughts here https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=32350197

Edit 2: If I had had more time, I would have sorted through photos and start discussing from these.