ganbatekudasai

I’m going to venture a guess that you haven’t ever applied a single patch to any existing operating system, and that your knowledge of operating systems is pretty much based entirely on your experience as a user of them.

Ah, I think it's just a misunderstanding, then.

Confidently != consistently. If I walk up to someone and say "there are lots of ripe apples on the tree outside, I'm going to run out and grab some", then that is me confidently stating that there are ripe apples on the tree outside (regardless of whether it is true or not). But if half an hour later, I say the opposite, or even just don't mention it at all anymore, then I haven't done so consistently, even if I was saying it confidently before.

I'm curious what you think about the post that you replied to.

Are you assuming that the author is lying? Have you weighed the likelihood of that against the likelihood that the author actually saw what they said, and that the reason you don't see the same might be because Google fixed it in the meantime, or that it only happens when phrased a different exact way, or because the responses may be indeterministic even with the exact same query in the first place?

I have no idea what you read in my post to come to such a conclusion. I was talking about career because the blog post was about career. I am not singularly focused on work, quite the opposite. The older I get, the more time I invest into my numerous hobbies and my wonderful family instead.

Note that this is just one perspective.

I also have almost 25 years under my belt in total, now, and I consider myself very successful. Yet I am a very different person than the author here. A lot of the points don't resonate with me. Just to pick two random points: I sleep a lot, more than average (at least 8.5 hours almost every day, but often more), and I started coding very young, always enjoying it (author sounds like he just recently started really getting into it), still doing it for fun.

I have reached every career goal I wanted, and more. I've been promoted past my goal. I have been and still am very well paid (this was also never a direct goal for me). I shipped some impressive stuff.

The advice I would give, is: Do what you are passionate about, what really interests you. But of course I have been very lucky, there.

I'm curious why you seem to be looking for a web/web backend development position, when clearly you're an operating system developer.

> She may have something more, she isnt honest with anyone including therapists so its certainly possible.

That, by the way, sticks out to me a lot. Read the article you linked, and see if you find anything that matches that. Then look at histrionic and narcissistic disorders instead, and see if it matches that.

Yes, I have strong experience with that. You can look at my other comments in the thread for a bit more insight, but I'd also gladly help answering any other questions, as much as I can from own my experiences of course.

Note though that the people that were successfully treated (so it seems to me) were willing to be treated. They realized themselves that their emotional response appears different. A large part of it, as I understand it, is to recognize when the emotional feedback loops kick in, and break out of them before it becomes overwhelming, but this requires some introspective capability.

I'm basically trying to say: If a family member absolutely sees nothing wrong with their emotions and behavior, it might be hard.

The people I know that did "recover" (or at least seem to manage very well) realized themselves that their BPD needed to be dealt with. You say "I'd love to know how to escape the pain we all feel" as a family member, but know that for the affected person, it is hell as well. I don't think anybody likes spiraling themselves into overwhelming rage or feelings of abandonment for no good reason.

> Did you experience BPD as a romantic partner?

Yes. (We broke it off, but for reasons entirely unrelated to BPD. We're still friends. It's not my only experience with BPD.)

> To butcher it, they feel great anxiety that you are going to leave and test that assumption by acting out. When you don't leave after they act out, they feel comfortable for a time until the cycle begins anew.

I agree. Believe me, I am actually very familiar with that. But your storyline still does not fit. Imagining a shifted property line is way more than that, and claiming that she owns the town is straight delusional.

In all the "testing of the assumption that I am going to leave/abandon" them that I underwent, never did anyone come close to spending six months to "prove" a delusional claim. It was all highly emotional spur of the moment stuff. No lies or actual counterfactual realities involved.

Going back to the article you linked, that actually all rings very true to me. But it does not mention either lying, or delusional and counterfactual beliefs at all. If that was a common symptom, why would the article not list it, especially given what a bad symptom it is?

Especially because, for example, the articles on narcissistic or histrionic personality do mention it pretty clearly?

I'm not sure why this is so important to you. You obviously have to deal with someone who has a personality disorder. It's a lot to deal with. Why does it have to be BPD, specifically? Or why can't it be BPD and something else on top of it?

That is bad. But again: From the people I know, from the papers I read (yes really), from the videos I watched, it does not sound like BPD to me.

BPD-afflicted people are terrified to be abandoned, for one thing. Why would someone who lives that way actively antagonize the people around them? Yes, the emotional feedback loop if not broken out of can make people with untreated BPD show strong emotional reactions (anger, depression, crying) in the moment, but they snap back out of it, are usually ashamed afterwards, and don't press on with what can only be described as nonsense.

I agree, and I should not have made a definitive statement about what I think it is instead. I don't know whether their wife is narcissistic. But having close experience with BPD-afflicted people, I feel the need to defend them. I understand pretty well what they go through (and watching for example videos where other people describe it, and even reading papers, seems to confirm my understanding), and mislabeling other disorders as BPD does them a disservice, in my opinion.

People are going to read this, and then when they meet someone who they know has BPD somehow (for example when getting close in a relationship), they are going to think that that person can become that delusional. That's not what happens.

I am familiar with the symptoms. I still think you deal with an actual narcissist, not with someone with BPD. The symptoms may have some overlap, but it's different.

For example, where in that article do you see that people with BPD can be so straight up delusional that they think they "own the town"? Notice that the words "lie" or "lying" do not even appear in the article.

In my experience, presenting a BPD-afflicted person with definitive truth is actually calming them down, because it disperses the worries and fears they have about things that could be (however unlikely).

Again, I don't mean to belittle your experience. What you're going through sucks, regardless of what disorder your wife has.

> I read that it’s kind of like if you had no skin and thus all your nerve endings were exposed.

That seems to be exactly right. However, it also seems that, with some intelligence and introspection, people can totally learn how to deal with that and live a normal life.

It's hard for me to tell whether the symptoms actually subside, or whether they are just perfectly capable of dealing with them. From what I've been told, a big part of BPD is "internal emotional feedback loops" that become hard to break out of, but it's apparently possible to recognize them early and not build up.

Honestly, that sounds a lot different from BPD, like a separate disorder altogether.

Sorry, I don't mean to belittle what you go through, it sounds terrible. But I have to "defend" people with BPD against it, because I have people close to me with that affliction. What you describe sounds more like a very narcissistic person instead.