francis-li

The same wall config is only for the speed competition. There has been debate about changing it though, cause like you said they become muscle memory and hyper-optimized.

There are other forms of competition:

- bouldering: how many of 4 short boulder problems can you finish

- lead: how high can you get on a longer, higher route (pictured on the right of the image in the article)

In these ones the problems are switched up every competition.

This seems on point, having curiosity (and potentially summarising what they're saying) is a good way to demonstrate understanding. Much more believable than saying "I understand".

Chris Voss (author of Never Split the Difference) recommends a similar strategy. He often says that having the mindset of genuine curiosity is a great hack for having emotional control during a negotiation and potentially getting into flow state.

At least they have in the confines of semi-anonymous HN :)

But yeah, some have some, haven't I'd say. And I agree with you 100%, it's extremely difficult, and much more difficult to do it on the spot. It feels like it's one of those skills that could take a lifetime to perfect.

But definitely agree that it's worth focusing one's efforts on as it seems like you'd get a lot more of what you want out of the world and other people.

That's insanely rough, it's so hard to imagine that someone can go through all that and come out the other side. It even sounds like the doctors themselves were dismissive of you.

Maybe it's not so much that people aren't looking for solutions, but they don't want advice from people who haven't yet shown that they understand what they are going through/need?

I think it would probably help, it'd probably require that person to be pretty in touch with their needs (which seems like it could be pretty hard when you're already super frustrated and in pain).

It sounds like your friend was in touch enough to let you know how to help them and it sounds like you really connected that night. I wish people were more candid in general, but maybe people are a bit scared to ask for what they want?

That sounds really frustrating and I think you've encapsulated what people who have these chronic conditions are feeling quite well.

It seems like when people with pain decide to share what they're going through, they aren't looking for solutions -- they just want people to know what's happening and that their experience in that moment is affected by it, and they want you to understand that.

I think this mindset is especially hard for people with a technical background to grasp because they are natural problem solvers and they will immediately switch to problem solving mode.

Instead of trying to solve the problem (which is not what the other person needs), they'll be able to connect better with the other person by empathising with them, validating what they are feeling and deferring to them for what to do next.