disturbed

I’d like to thank everyone for the support and advice! Your kindness alone made me feel better. You’ve also given me motivation to continue the fight.

Thanks. I will look in to it - sounds interesting

Thank you!

Thank you for your comment. That is absolutely true. I have excuses for everyone except for myself. Intellectually, I realize that, but it’s difficult to fight it. My therapist is trying to help with this. We’ll see how it goes.

Thanks. Religion isn’t my cup of tea.

1. I dread that but it may be one option

3. What do you mean by system design?

5. Not in the US. Here everyone pays taxes and when you retire you get some small pension (a lot of senior people digging through dumpsters for bottles to earn extra money).

Thank you

Thanks for the links. I will look into them.

Thank you. Yeah I’ve got mortgages and kids. And you are right I do sell myself short sometimes. But on the other hand, there is a lot of young (cheaper) talent on the market that I’d have to be exceptional to get hired (or at least this is how I see it in my mind).

Yes, I am willing to relocate. I will try updating my cv and apply for some positions abroad.

It’s “no” on all of them except hobbies - I do have one (but it’s fairly recent).

Thanks for this. I guess the common thread in all of that is connecting with others. I’ve always been a loner. I don’t know anyone I like spending time with. I don’t know why is that.

I’m sorry about your condition. Compared to that, my problems are insignificant.

I try from time to time to code something... I’ve been learning F# lately. I force myself to sit in front of computer and do something, anything.

But, somehow everything is tainted by the thought of going to “the pit” in the morning. I don’t know how to overcome that - to disconnect when I leave office.

Thank you for sharing this

Thank you

I live in a small town, in a small country. If I tried locally the word would get out. I could apply in a different country. I guess I’m afraid of proving myself right that I am incompetent. But, you are right - can’t hurt to try.