darthclue

From my family to you and yours, thank you. While you may have only given $15, you gave it and that in and of itself means just as much as any donation if not more. I wish there were better alternatives available to help offset medical expenses, however, despite being considered one of the wealthiest nations on the planet those that control that wealth see no need to share it. Our politicians vote in favor of those who have the money to keep them elected and see no need to actually care for the rest of us. Honestly, one of the statements I made to some friends and family earlier today was that I a) hope to survive and beat this cancer and b) win the lottery so that I can give away millions to help others who have found them in similar situations. I see no need to accumulate material possessions or wealth while others suffer. It's not in my nature to condone suffering and in the last few months I've found so many others who have had their own series of unfortunate events similar to mine which have left them in horrible places. Whether me meet our goal or not, the world will eventually know my story and those that have helped me. So once again, thank you for both the donation and the shoulder squeeze. I am humbled to know you and honored to benefit from your kindness.

I can't say where I stand spiritually but everyone who suggests I should simply rely on God obviously believes that they are not responsible for any of their own actions. And if you truly believe that is materially driven then you haven't bothered reading and understanding what is written.

Don't try to talk to me about God until you've taken the time to actually read and understand who it is you're talking to and what it is you're saying.

My family, including my wife, children, mother, grandmother, and extended family would benefit from a public viewing. Cremation is something we've considered but would like to avoid but we have made a final decision on which way we will go because we don't have the finances in place to make that decision yet. And yes, $20k is about as cheap as I could manage to get it with the research I did given that this would be an out-of-state burial requiring my body be transported across state lines. I've done my research and worked to keep costs as low as possible because that's just part of me trying to give everyone what they want and deserve without creating additional burden on anyone if I can. This isn't an easy decision and my wife are still discussing it because it isn't easy. None of this has been easy.

This was one of the most difficult conversations I had to have. It came about because of my 6 year old who asked if she could go to my funeral. No 6 year old should ask that question and no parent should have to answer it. She has been the strongest through this which is making it even harder because she fully understands what is going on and is asking tougher and tougher questions for which I do not have any good or easy answers. I've cried more trying to come up with the answers than I have in my first 34 years of life.

Comfortable? Yes. Out of touch with you and your poor friends? You know nothing of my life.

I've worked my ass of to get where I am and while you may find our expenses excessive I would point out that they are what meet our needs and keeps us financially secure. Do I like asking for help? Hell no. As a matter of fact, this has been one of the hardest parts of this whole process. As I've been forced to accept that I will die and will likely leave my wife with debts that cannot be repaid I have to consider what will really happen. Without a home, she moves in with her parents. This isn't a bad scenario but it's also not the best scenario. Without the van, she has no way to provide for the basic needs of our children like taking them to the doctor. Note, her parents live in the boonies, there is no public transportation. The cost of a funeral? Have you priced these recently? They aren't cheap no matter how you look at it. And there are far more decisions that go into this than how cheap it is. This has long-lasting emotional impact on my wife, my kids, my mother, my grandmother and a host of other relatives. I can only hope you have people in your life who you care about enough to actually think before you act in the event of your death.

And the moment you begin to think you know anything about how anyone grew up or how hard they've worked to get where they are or how happy they are, you need to stop and rethink your own priorities and happiness. This isn't about things or happiness, this is about security and easing the pain of my death. Memories will make them happier than anything else I can do and we have memories in this house and in that van. And the moment you think I have a sense of entitlement is the moment you need to go down to the nearest shelter and volunteer. You'll soon discover just how entitled you think you are and realize just how wrong you are.

May you find peace and experience true humility before it's too late.

The same place it's always been. I can't count the number of times that I've wished I could just stay home with my kids and enjoy being with them. But I had to choose between providing for them or being with them. There was no other option.

Given my current condition, I can't return to work. I don't know what tomorrow holds. I could wake up and need to be hospitalized yet again or I could be pain free and enjoying every moment I have with my children or I could be dead. It's no longer a choice as to what I do with my life because it is no longer mine. I am living on borrowed time and for every second I can borrow I will be spending it with my children trying to prepare them for my death to make that process easier. No child should have to lose their parent at such a young age and no spouse should find themselves a widow with young children either. Anyone who thinks this is just another sob story should try living it for just the first week and tell me how it feels. Trust me, your tune will quickly change, mine did.

Allow me to clarify my value system for you then. You'll note that the graveyard plot is the 3rd item on the list. If we are unable to fund it, I am prepared for cremation options. This is a 'bucket list', it is more like a wish list than anything else and this is why items are listed in 'priority' order. This is about providing for the financial needs of my wife and kids. Giving them a home and transportation are the most import aspects of making the process of my death easier. There are so many conversations that have to take place between two people who love each other and most of those will always remain private. Telling my wife where I want to be buried and discussing what we need to do before we even begin planning for this was just another of many difficult conversations I've had to have over the last 2 months. I have to make difficult decisions that will impact everyone around me. When you find yourself facing death, I hope that your commitment and resolution to cremation remains as it is today.

The important thing here is not that you gave to someone else, but that you gave and when you need it most, I can only hope that someone will be there for you because you gave to someone else.

Our loan is a 30 year term, cause ya know when you're 35 you don't expect to die in 2 years. Getting it re-financed isn't really an available option at this point.

If you feel that your money is better spent donating to a cancer research center, then please do. But your jealousy is seriously mis-placed and you are seriously confused with regards to my motives. I'm not any more worthy of this than the next guy. That's the simple truth. And asking for help of any kind is the last thing I want to do. But I also can't just die and leave my family to suffer and fight for themselves. My human nature tells me that I should do everything I can to take care of them and to take care of those around me. I can't count the number of times I've done something for a complete stranger, like paying for their meal, just because I felt that I had been blessed that day and there was a need to pass it on.

Even as I sit here and look at what happened with this today I am torn between actually using the donations to pay off our housing and transportation debts along with my final resting place or just giving the money to someone else who needs it more than I do. It is not easy being in the position where I know what my family needs and knowing that there are others who deserve so much more.

I'm sorry that no one was there when your girlfriend died. That is truly sad and shouldn't happen to anyone. I can only hope that you find it in your heart to give something to someone and realize that when you need it most someone will be there for you.

I wish I had the strength. As it is, I'm so weak that I can't even get upstairs to my own bed anymore. This is one of the most difficult things that I've had to accept is physical limitations. I've always been able to do physically challenging things that included running, although I'm horrible at it, and moving furniture around when needed. Now? I can barely lift my laptop and we won't even talk about the need to use an electric cart at the store now. It makes me feel weak and feeble despite mentally knowing I'm too young to be this damn old.

And I intend to fight until I have nothing left. I refuse to just give up and die. It's not in my nature.

ACA rates might be a little less but I wouldn't expect they'd be much less. The insurance I have via my employer is far superior than anything I can get from ACA at this time and resetting to an ACA plan would reset deductibles and out of pocket expenses possibly costing me more money in the long run. It's something I will be looking at when the time comes that I have to make that choice. Until then, I am thankful that I still have insurance through my employer which is reasonably priced and has paid out more than $280,000 to keep me alive for the last 2 months. Without it, I would most certainly be dead at this point.

sonnyz, this is very generous offer. I didn't hear from you but you can also reach me at [email protected]

With regards to making it to Florida, I don't that this would ever happen even if someone stepped up and covered the cost of the entire trip. With my current health, every day is an unknown. When I got up this morning, I had no idea that I'd end up in the ER yet again nor that I'd be so exhausted I'd come home and sleep for several hours. This has become my unfortunate reality. Even if it was an all expenses paid trip it would likely kill me before it was over and it is for this reason that I consider this to be near the bottom of the bucket list. It's more for my kids than it is for me and it's meant to provide them with happy memories that will hopefully sustain them through my death. That said, if we make it to Florida I will at a minimum be in touch just to say thank you.

Depressing that you wouldn't even bother to take the time to actually read and see what is going on here. If the only thing you can focus on Disney World and Casa Bonita then it is obvious where your priorities towards humanity lie. And the fact that you bring up South Park in relation to Casa Bonita tells me even more about your lack of passion when it comes to your fellow man. I can only hope that you'll find someone who changes your perspective and you find your heart before it withers and dies.

With regards to funeral costs, have you even looked at what these cost now? It's obvious to me that you haven't or you wouldn't have bothered to mention a county funeral.

With regards to importance, I'm no one. I'm not worthy of the attention this has gotten, but I am human. And that's the point. This is about being human and caring about fellow humans, period. There are people who deserve this far more than I but that doesn't change the fact that someone felt this was worthy of attention and to that person, I say thank you.

Thank you for seeing that this isn't about me, it's not about a pricey funeral, it's not about trips. It's about providing for my family as best as I can given the circumstances. It's about giving them peace of mind when they have lost something important.

May you find your heart before experiencing the loss of a loved one. May you realize that this has nothing to do with frivolous capitalism and everything to do with being human and doing everything you can to provide your family even after you're gone.

I wouldn't say that it's made me physically sick. I am physically sick but it's the emotional toll that is the worst. Just knowing that this body is dying and there is nothing I can do is frustrating and when I consider what it means for those around me I become an emotional wreck. I could care less if I die, but I do care about what it will do to my wife, my kids, my mother, my grandmother, my aunts, uncles, cousins, close friends, even complete strangers who took the time to send me $5 and a few simple words of encouragement. These are lives that I've touched in some way and my death will impact them. Some more than others but it will still impact them. Doing what I can to lessen that impact and make it a more positive experience for them is the least I can do as my final act of thanks towards humanity.