adhd_thraway

Have the same, thought it was normal turned out it’s not. It’s ADHD.

I was somewhat surprised, because for me and my family it was normal to be very heavy driven with the “next thing” and not something that’s obtained even though, similarly as you, I am I very good position in my life.

And yet, constant struggle to get more filled my life with junk and made my almost split with my wife (I suppose you can imagine how “constant improvement” affects partnership especially in context of one partner being fine with position they’re in).

So, yeah, my guess would be - go talk to the specialist about it. It’s not “normal” and if it’s ADHD it can be managed to some degree.

Sure, it's anonymized though, cause I'd rather this thread to drown slightly so it's harder to link to (yeah, I can reply btw. from same address):

koncha_slizga_0b (at) icloud.com

Thank you all for your contribution. I'm going to leave this throwaway. However if you'd have any question or just wanted to connect here's my anonymized e-mail. I can respond with it (just checked) but I'd rather remain anonymous for some time (like week or two).

Those who left their contact information and recommendation I'll be reaching out to soon. Once again thanks!

koncha_slizga_0b (at) icloud.com

Please talk with your doctors about it, switch specialists if needed. If someone dismiss how you feel about yourself and your situation it's them who is wrong, not you.

One of the reasons ADHD has a bad reputation is because Adderall et al. were given out like candies at some point. I'm 100% aware of that. I wouldn't be surprised if someone would be forced into ADHD box only because parents/doctors/someone else think they should be. Kid is underperforming? Hit it with meds. Too noisy? Same. I wouldn't be surprised neurotypical person would get boost from meds.

I also don't believe ADHD can be managed with "here's a pill, go play" approach. It's a complex issue that requires complex solutions.

Thank you very much - yet I really like my job. Honestly. I've took hiatus few times (burnout) but I always wanted to get back. I have only the best memories with both companies I worked for and people I worked with. Even fiascos weren't that bad. The only issue I have is about myself, I really want to go somewhere where I can say "oh you know, I am ADHD, I have temper and sometimes you need to micromanage me, that's my thing" and not jeopardize my career over that.

Sure - I'm used to problems on my contract but usually when something went wrong I knew I could count on my agency to step in. Conflict resolution, 3rd person perspective needs analysis, project re-assessment and stuff like that (even to the point of body swap if needed). But as we grew unfortunately it become more of a "don't worry, we have insurance and lawyers". Project was heavily understaffed and neither me or client could get in contact with representatives to get additional help.

Once I was accused by close friend that I'm enjoyed something only because I was "high on drugs". I told him that from my underperforming dopamine brain it's he who is constantly high on drugs, and I finally were able to feel the same.

Unfortunately ADHD gets worse with age if untreated leading to a nasty numbers of mental issues such as depression, anxiety and substance abuse.

And yet there are things that seems not problematic but then they are. Relationships might be a problem because it gets boring much faster and also some people exhibit all-or-nothing. It's either full obsession or absolute ignorance.

Yet we all know that premature optimization is the root of all evil.

I can tell you directly that ADHD adults always had an ADHD when they were children, as that's not something you develop, it's just more like a skin color or a body build. Our minds just work differently.

ADHD isn't necessarily "hyperactivity" neither, sometimes it doesn't show till later years or even ever. Thus there are forms such as ADD, and ADHD in girls/women manifest vastly differently.

It's genetics. Depending on the study ADHD is genetic condition with 70%+ (latest high figure I heard is 77%) chance of passing down the children and around 30% occurrence in the 2nd degree. It's also additive, meaning that if both parents have mild-moderate ADHD the child has chance to hit a neurology jackpot. Based on family story I can exactly tell who have it in my family and it spans quite long. So when for example someone smashes a window or falls and bruises often it's quite often "oh it's always been like this with boys in our family" which is another gate preventing proper diagnosis and management.

Yes - please don't self diagnose.

ADHD in adults is somewhat new and some specialist either don't know or downplay it so keep that in mind. I'd suggest getting to the ADHD Adult specialist/clinic in the area. Depending on the country it might take short or long time to get diagnosed (for myself it took around 6 weekly 1.5h meetings, tests and family interviews), but I know this might vary depending on where you live.

Well, of course I don't do interviews like that.

But keep in mind one thing. If I go and say that I wrote at least one application in (probably more but, let's size it down) in 25 different languages people usually think I'm a con. I can't say I use the technology X and I'm expert on it neither because I'm going to be asked about some obscure thing that I don't care and it's the end.

What I always find the funniest is that the interviewers always sees the worst of me during interviews. Anxiety of evaluation is often breaking me. Most of the high profile interviews I had followed the schema: get nervous -> can't sleep -> sleep 1h/night prior to test/interview -> after 2 interviews forget basic math due to exhaustion -> uneven performance -> bye

However I'd like to be transparent about it, so that I can get a partner and feel better and deliver (as even though I procrastrinate it's not something I want - I'd love to deliver 100% of the time), so I help you, you help me.

And I do have a rather good rep sheet, thus throwaway. I believe people would feel cheated if they'd know otherwise.

It's quite interesting, but I believe that procrastination and burnout are rather obvious signs of ADHD and if you experience this you should verify this.

I'm a huge mental health advocate and I've been such for years (I worked with a lot of psychiatrists and psychologists when doing deep interpersonal training for business purposes and I built a lot of trust toward field) and I've been working constantly with therapists, have friends who are psychiatrists etc.

Yet no one, at any point suggested this might be ADHD because:

- ADHD has a lot of bad press (as something that is result of bad parenthood - which is false, that's genetics)

- ADHD in adults is somewhat new (where I live there all the meds are prescription only for children with note that they shouldn't be used for adults)

- ADHD adults are either successful (because they overcame hardships and are perceived as very interesting people in general) so they don't seek help or very miserable (dropping jobs, partners etc.) - they can't afford diagnosis and treatment

- ADHD in women is severely underdiagnosed (because it's attributed to hormonal mood swings)

- ADHD is often used as a joke, so people treat it as joke

- ADHD often gives symptoms that might be diagnosed as substance addiction, bi-polar personality, neuroticism, anger issues etc., people treat this for years and it doesn't help

- If you get in the wrong basket it's really hard to get out of it (I was working with different set of issues)

And that was for more then a decade. I decided to diagnose myself with specialist only after lately I couldn't focus on anything absolutely at all. I had weeks were I didn't do anything I really wanted - that wasn't normal and I went to a huge stretch to find out what that was.

Absolutely true, yet then at least I would feel at ease with myself if we agree to the terms. All cards on the table and I won't have to feel bad about myself because I procrastinated on filling 37.12 .xlsx files with the detailed diary about my work.

Without exposing myself too much that's what I'm doing right now. But while the contracting agency I work for is really great but it's also very massive and I feel very desolated, especially since my last contract was the "build me the forms" which drained the soul out of me.