Aella

You can make arguments about base rates here, but if nothing I think this gives decent data for comparative frequency. As in, it seems unlikely that any one particular fetish is overrepresented compared to others.

I think it's prob slightly biased towards kinky people, but it wasn't primarily shared across fetlife. Most of the responses came from viral videos of people sharing their results on Tiktok.

Article author here (also I wrote that article a while ago and I don't remember if it's good or not)

In the China example, I'd guess there's other factors. Women do tend to compete and men tend to be choosers in some circumstances; the 'women as selectors' thing is a result of certain conditions that are super common, but not absolutely true always.

My dominant hypothesis here is maybe that "dating" in asian cultures is a prerequisite to something that benefits the woman over the man (e.g., more likely to end in marriage than sex). It's common to see this in very conservative cultures where sex before marriage is strictly forbidden; what a guy can look forward to going on a date is finding a woman to settle down with, which is less advantageous to him than in western cultures where he can have sex without commitment.

We haven't exactly been monogamous for thousands of years tho

There's a looot of assumptions here, but for the record I don't think everybody is a frame controller. I've met maybe 5 clear ones, total in my life?

Author here - you're right, it is very broad. You might wonder why "if it's so broad, why are you trying to write so strongly about an undefined thing?" And my answer is because there is a real thing with real effects out there. I used a lot of examples from my childhood because a lot lies in the details, but I've talked to a lot of other people who suffered a lot of damage from non-parental (and nonromantic) frame control relationships, and there seemed to be a really unique and consistent style of damage that was done, that I'd never seen talked about before.

This post was my attempt to name the thing that causes that style of damage. It's hard for me to do, perhaps someone else has more skill than me and can be more precise - but I am trying to name a real thing, one I suspect a lot of people haven't ever run into before.

I'm fully aware that there's lots of "bad advice" in the post, but I don't have the skill to convey the thing I'm attempting to without using some of that. Ultimately I think the tradeoff is worth it, though; I feel strongly about trying to name this very elusive thing.

Maybe I'm misunderstanding, but I believe I provided a list of examples similar to the ones you give here near the beginning of the post clearly labeled "this is not frame control"

I got into sex work because I was homeschooled in a borderline fundamentalist Christian cult my whole life and expected to become a housewife. My parents made too much money for me to qualify for aid for me to go to college, but refused to help me at all financially or cosign on any loans. So at 19 I went to work on a factory floor for 50-60hr weeks with no education and no prospects, and I would go multiple days in a row without seeing the sun.

So yeah, I worked hard and did what I could and I decided that I would prefer sex work over that life.

I likely will never be able to advertise escorting as Aella due to legal risks and due to Onlyfans removing anyone who reveals they're an active escort.

I appreciate the care here! I do think he very clearly should not have assaulted me, and I also think I made a mistake by not screening him. Both are true! I have no sense of guilt or self-blame around this, I mostly have "Oh, I failed to do a thing that would have protected me, I'll make sure to do that next time, good to know."

Actually none of the zero-condom users reported getting a STD. My theory is that zero-condom users tend to be much more exclusive and to have fewer clients, or to do this closer to part-time?

ty for the reminder I added it in!

My experience was not that niche and unique; I tried to consistently show data around how prices might impact your experience. The amount you charge is not correlated with the majority of the questions I asked sex workers.

My impression that sugar babies don't think of it as sex work is based off reading sugar baby forums, but it's possible that there's different subclusters of sugar babies with different attitudes!

If someone makes 10x your income, then $1200 is more equivalent to $120, to them.