Aha, that makes more sense! You might want to clarify that some when you initially introduce the message; I think that point is kind of 'hiding' behind some of the other ideas in your post.
It looks like you fixed one of the more glaring things since I last reloaded (the 'laser quest' duplicate); I'd suggest doing a pass for punctuation, too (a bunch of sentences would scan quite a lot better with commas throughout -- "Plus, if ... fund, then ..." is one of the examples of that class that might go a long way towards setting the stage better to make your point).
It looks like you fixed one of the more glaring things since I last reloaded (the 'laser quest' duplicate); I'd suggest doing a pass for punctuation, too (a bunch of sentences would scan quite a lot better with commas throughout -- "Plus, if ... fund, then ..." is one of the examples of that class that might go a long way towards setting the stage better to make your point).