this applies to me. I'm very alone pretty much most of the time. Not really had friends and not great at making them. For the last 11 months I've tried going out and being the most positive person I can, to be a friend to as many people as I can but I don't know if it's working or not. Just talking to people, listening to them, smiling at everyone.
It feels like I'm just a grinning idiot, that no one takes me seriously, that I have to completely change everything about me and who I am so before long I'm not the same person in the slightest; I have to pretend to be someone else.
I know I'm not the best person I can be but how much harder and longer do I have to fight to make it?
I hate the weekends and look forward to Mondays because I can go out and meet co-workers. Friday afternoons I fill with a heavy dread. It sounds ridiculous to talk about it out loud because it makes me sound so...high-school. I feel like a loser talking about it, now, just like how I felt like a loser in elementary through high school, and grad school. It feels dumb now. I'm an older man, now. I think most days people won't notice I'm gone until the bugs don't get fixed and a few years later they find me in my condo after I hung myself in the closet.
It feels like I'm just a grinning idiot, that no one takes me seriously, that I have to completely change everything about me and who I am so before long I'm not the same person in the slightest; I have to pretend to be someone else.
I know I'm not the best person I can be but how much harder and longer do I have to fight to make it?
I hate the weekends and look forward to Mondays because I can go out and meet co-workers. Friday afternoons I fill with a heavy dread. It sounds ridiculous to talk about it out loud because it makes me sound so...high-school. I feel like a loser talking about it, now, just like how I felt like a loser in elementary through high school, and grad school. It feels dumb now. I'm an older man, now. I think most days people won't notice I'm gone until the bugs don't get fixed and a few years later they find me in my condo after I hung myself in the closet.