Really good and nuanced response, thank you. I'm aware that my original post is a bit facetious and in bad faith.
I think my issue really is that a lot of what you're describing feels like it only works in theory, but my experience in practice is that it never works the way it's meant to because the culture to do it just isn't there. There's always a dickhead CEO. There's always one mobile developer who was shoehorned into the team because they nobody knew where to put them, their work isn't really relevant to anyone else on the team, but they're forced to come to all this ceremony that has no relevance to their work. There's always people who treat it like a status update.
Maybe it can work. I'd be interested to hear from somebody who's practised it and had it work well. But I don't think that place exists.
I think my issue really is that a lot of what you're describing feels like it only works in theory, but my experience in practice is that it never works the way it's meant to because the culture to do it just isn't there. There's always a dickhead CEO. There's always one mobile developer who was shoehorned into the team because they nobody knew where to put them, their work isn't really relevant to anyone else on the team, but they're forced to come to all this ceremony that has no relevance to their work. There's always people who treat it like a status update.
Maybe it can work. I'd be interested to hear from somebody who's practised it and had it work well. But I don't think that place exists.