Comment by all2

Oof. I'm seeing lots of issues packed into this. You need good counseling. Not marriage counseling (that's a scam in most cases), but individual counseling. Even just a bro to talk to while you turn wrenches or heft iron. Just find a guy who is older than you, married, and well adjusted and talk to him. I can make some recommendations on where to find men like this, if you would like.