It's weird how a series of big things happening in a short period of time changes who you are as a person, and not always for the better.
When I failed to stop an acquaintance from killing himself a few years ago [1], it really fucked me up. I barely knew the guy, but I couldn't stop myself from feeling guilty over it, and I still have nightmares about it.
It led to a severe funk of depression that I still haven't gotten over, and it's led to poor sleep, poor performance at work, an increased irritability towards pretty much everyone, and I'm not completely convinced that that will ever stop.
I've seen therapists, taken various medications for depression and PTSD, trauma dumped onto pretty much anyone who will listen, and I think I'm a worse person now than I was in 2021.
I guess the likelihood of an event like this happening approaches 1 as you get older, but it doesn't mean it's not terrible.
[1] Written in some detail here https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=29185822
When I failed to stop an acquaintance from killing himself a few years ago [1], it really fucked me up. I barely knew the guy, but I couldn't stop myself from feeling guilty over it, and I still have nightmares about it.
It led to a severe funk of depression that I still haven't gotten over, and it's led to poor sleep, poor performance at work, an increased irritability towards pretty much everyone, and I'm not completely convinced that that will ever stop.
I've seen therapists, taken various medications for depression and PTSD, trauma dumped onto pretty much anyone who will listen, and I think I'm a worse person now than I was in 2021.
I guess the likelihood of an event like this happening approaches 1 as you get older, but it doesn't mean it's not terrible.
[1] Written in some detail here https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=29185822