I went through a yearlong coaching program and one of the modules was learning how to listen.
Imagine a friend tells you about a situation where their dad is starting to show signs of dementia and the strain it's putting on them as a caretaker.
Level 1 listening (you're focused on yourself):
- "Oh my dad had dementia, too. It's awful."
Level 2 listening (you're focused on them, but parroting):
- "caring for a parent with dementia must be a huge burden; I can hear the toll it's taking in your voice"
Level 3 listening (a focus on what's not being said):
- "when you were telling me about your dad's dementia noticed that you smiled a little bit when you said 'strain'. What was that?"
Listening is a muscle that needs to be trained.
Part of it was learning what it feels like to be -listened to-, too. Feeling heard is 80% of the way to a deep connection with another person. It's amazing how safe and trusting someone can seem if they simply, truly, hear you.
Imagine a friend tells you about a situation where their dad is starting to show signs of dementia and the strain it's putting on them as a caretaker.
Level 1 listening (you're focused on yourself): - "Oh my dad had dementia, too. It's awful."
Level 2 listening (you're focused on them, but parroting): - "caring for a parent with dementia must be a huge burden; I can hear the toll it's taking in your voice"
Level 3 listening (a focus on what's not being said): - "when you were telling me about your dad's dementia noticed that you smiled a little bit when you said 'strain'. What was that?"
Listening is a muscle that needs to be trained.
Part of it was learning what it feels like to be -listened to-, too. Feeling heard is 80% of the way to a deep connection with another person. It's amazing how safe and trusting someone can seem if they simply, truly, hear you.