My theory is that people who like math have a reward system that responds well to gaining an understanding on empirical concepts. I have that, and it does drive me to keep studying math. Not that I find it easy though, I don't think I'm able to skip steps, and I often have to repeat things I've already done before they sink in. The difference is that I find this process enjoyable, so I don't mind spending the time.
If I can compare to another activity, I've always wanted to be an artist as well, and have spend quite a bit of time trying to build up the skills. The problem is that, if I'm honest with myself, is I just don't enjoy the process of creative expression, it doesn't trigger any reward system that means anything for me. I wish it did but there's just nothing there. It was a hard pill to swallow, but I realized I like the idea of being an artist, but I don't enjoy the process. Hence my ultimately crummy artwork!
Sorry, I realized I'm talking about myself more than you, but I hope it's some help. The point I hope it makes is that everyone has a different personality, and from that different reward systems. It sounds to me like yours doesn't align with math, and that's fine. I wouldn't try to force yourself to study something which you don't love, at least if it's optional self study. Find subjects that you love learning, and the results will come naturally.
If I can compare to another activity, I've always wanted to be an artist as well, and have spend quite a bit of time trying to build up the skills. The problem is that, if I'm honest with myself, is I just don't enjoy the process of creative expression, it doesn't trigger any reward system that means anything for me. I wish it did but there's just nothing there. It was a hard pill to swallow, but I realized I like the idea of being an artist, but I don't enjoy the process. Hence my ultimately crummy artwork!
Sorry, I realized I'm talking about myself more than you, but I hope it's some help. The point I hope it makes is that everyone has a different personality, and from that different reward systems. It sounds to me like yours doesn't align with math, and that's fine. I wouldn't try to force yourself to study something which you don't love, at least if it's optional self study. Find subjects that you love learning, and the results will come naturally.