Referential integrity problems usually happen due to missing deletes, improper deletes, or references that should be cleared.
The overhead of checking for the existence of referred to records in ordinary inserts and updates in application code is unnecessary in most cases, and that is where the problem is. Either you have to check to have any idea what is going on, because your key values are being supplied from an outside source or you should be able write your application so that it does not insert random references into your database.
If you actually need to delete a row that might be referred to, the best thing to do is not to do that, because you will need application level checks to make the reason why you cannot delete something visible in any case. 'Delete failed because the record is referred to somewhere' is usually an inadequate explanation. The application should probably check so that delete isn't even presented as an option in cases like that.
The overhead of checking for the existence of referred to records in ordinary inserts and updates in application code is unnecessary in most cases, and that is where the problem is. Either you have to check to have any idea what is going on, because your key values are being supplied from an outside source or you should be able write your application so that it does not insert random references into your database.
If you actually need to delete a row that might be referred to, the best thing to do is not to do that, because you will need application level checks to make the reason why you cannot delete something visible in any case. 'Delete failed because the record is referred to somewhere' is usually an inadequate explanation. The application should probably check so that delete isn't even presented as an option in cases like that.