Your résumé is red flag after red flag. Regardless of background check, there is absolutely no possibility I would hire someone who submitted that.
Get rid of the emojis.
The "Bugs and Features" section should not exist.
"Hi mom (very dead; very sad)" is completely inappropriate.
You say you are "Very detail oriented," which is incoherent, since someone who actually was detail-oriented would not have omitted the hyphen.
You say you are a "Voracious writer," which is incoherent, since someone who wrote a lot would know that that the word "voracious" relates to consumption, not production.
The story about sticking a fork in a light socket is inappropriate and weird.
This résumé is fundamentally inconsiderate. It appears to be intended to make people feel ill at ease. I strongly recommend you reconsider it.
ALSO: I don't know you, but I can't shake the suspicion that the résumé and the cURL incident are related, i.e., that there's a fundamental TPJ issue preventing you from understanding how your actions will come across to others.
Get rid of the emojis.
The "Bugs and Features" section should not exist.
"Hi mom (very dead; very sad)" is completely inappropriate.
You say you are "Very detail oriented," which is incoherent, since someone who actually was detail-oriented would not have omitted the hyphen.
You say you are a "Voracious writer," which is incoherent, since someone who wrote a lot would know that that the word "voracious" relates to consumption, not production.
The story about sticking a fork in a light socket is inappropriate and weird.
This résumé is fundamentally inconsiderate. It appears to be intended to make people feel ill at ease. I strongly recommend you reconsider it.
ALSO: I don't know you, but I can't shake the suspicion that the résumé and the cURL incident are related, i.e., that there's a fundamental TPJ issue preventing you from understanding how your actions will come across to others.