I feel similarly from time to time. I refer to it as “existential dread.” I’m a Christian, but I’m not free of doubt. And when I have these moments of existential dread my beliefs feel so absurd. It usually starts with immense fear at the thought of death, and of nothing being beyond that, like you describe. But then it spirals into the absurdity of everything. The fact that I’m a sentient ape on a spinning ball just feels … nonsensical. In these moments the only thing that makes sense is for nothing to exist at all.
I try to take comfort in the fact that, as crazy as it seems, I really am a sentient ape on a spinning ball. My experiences right here, right now, prove that there is something instead of nothing. And things don’t have to make sense to me for things to be real. In fact, whatever the absolute truth of the universe is, it’s probably too complex for us to comprehend, let alone for us to figure out. Even as a Christian, I accept that large parts of my beliefs are completely wrong, or at best simplifications. Because the absolute truth is something beyond understanding.
I don’t know, saying it out loud doesn’t feel very comforting. I had a bit of an attack of existential dread typing this out. But I felt the need to share my experience with you
I try to take comfort in the fact that, as crazy as it seems, I really am a sentient ape on a spinning ball. My experiences right here, right now, prove that there is something instead of nothing. And things don’t have to make sense to me for things to be real. In fact, whatever the absolute truth of the universe is, it’s probably too complex for us to comprehend, let alone for us to figure out. Even as a Christian, I accept that large parts of my beliefs are completely wrong, or at best simplifications. Because the absolute truth is something beyond understanding.
I don’t know, saying it out loud doesn’t feel very comforting. I had a bit of an attack of existential dread typing this out. But I felt the need to share my experience with you