I've always felt like I have awful short term memory. I use tiling WMs so I can see information side-by-side. If I need to type something exactly, I forget the exact details almost immediately.
I need to derive things to understand them, ie music theory. I'm jealous of people who can memorize and take at face value but if I'm looking at a chord, I need to know the components that create that chord, which gets frustrating because music has a lot of rules that seem to be based on vibe and closeness. Two things can be identical but distinct based on their context.
It used to take me 2-3x as long to do homeworks or labs compared to other classmates. Same with work assignments. It often triggers an imposter syndrome type feeling.
Yet I have proof that I'm capable of solving complex problems, I understand certain things almost immediately compared to others, other things I need to study for a long time.
I tend to rarely know an answer on the spot, but I know how to determine many things, by knowing how to find the information needed.
I don't pretend to be a genius, but I have proof via a degree, others opinions of me, and material results that basically say I'm intelligent to a point.
Once I get into a flow I can retain a fairly complex system in my head but before or after that state, it's a terrible blur where I can barely focus my eyes.
I need to derive things to understand them, ie music theory. I'm jealous of people who can memorize and take at face value but if I'm looking at a chord, I need to know the components that create that chord, which gets frustrating because music has a lot of rules that seem to be based on vibe and closeness. Two things can be identical but distinct based on their context.
It used to take me 2-3x as long to do homeworks or labs compared to other classmates. Same with work assignments. It often triggers an imposter syndrome type feeling.
Yet I have proof that I'm capable of solving complex problems, I understand certain things almost immediately compared to others, other things I need to study for a long time.
I tend to rarely know an answer on the spot, but I know how to determine many things, by knowing how to find the information needed.
I don't pretend to be a genius, but I have proof via a degree, others opinions of me, and material results that basically say I'm intelligent to a point.
Once I get into a flow I can retain a fairly complex system in my head but before or after that state, it's a terrible blur where I can barely focus my eyes.