"We will only fund you if you've been bitten by a mosquito AND took a shit in the last half an hour, and if you reside in Brooklyn near an alley on 15th street, if you're between the ages of 22 and 22.5, there are 15 deliveraballs and I want this done by saturday, and could you tutor our kids from 9 to 5 everyday. $1200, 8 month residency.
Founder bio: As the founder of this organization, I strongly resonate with New Yorkers who were bitten by mosquitoes in the last half hour AND took a shit... especially if both things were happening at the same time. I can't tell you how many times I've been bitten by mosquitoes WHILE I was taking a shit, just love it.
NOTE: We've had a lot of applications recently of people who were bitten by mosquitoes but did not take a shit. If you have not taken a shit, you are not eligible. All partially filled applications are not considered, our application is only 15 pages. Acceptance rate is 0.1%
Deadline: Feb 1, 2023"
Foreign artist: continues to starve
This has been my experience with applying to grants. Discrimination through anti-discrimination. Thinly veiled cheap labor.
Does anyone actually know of any open-ended grants that:
Pay you to do what you actually want to do? (Whatever that is) Meaning: as an artist, entrepreneur, whatever the fuck you are, you have a billion ideas, and if someone just gave you money and LEFT YOU ALONE eventually SOMETHING will come out. And if you're an interesting person and they think you're an interesting person and if you have an interesting track record, well, it'll probably be SOMEWHAT interesting.
And if you're TRULY an artist, or someone who CARES about what you do, you don't need a fucking theme (about the most artificial concoction you can have for an artist), or a deadline that forces you to compromise your art (seriously, who are these grants for?) or a requirement list, you have 5000 unfinished songs and paintings, you just don't have the money to pursue your work or start-up or whatever it is
Founder bio: As the founder of this organization, I strongly resonate with New Yorkers who were bitten by mosquitoes in the last half hour AND took a shit... especially if both things were happening at the same time. I can't tell you how many times I've been bitten by mosquitoes WHILE I was taking a shit, just love it.
NOTE: We've had a lot of applications recently of people who were bitten by mosquitoes but did not take a shit. If you have not taken a shit, you are not eligible. All partially filled applications are not considered, our application is only 15 pages. Acceptance rate is 0.1%
Deadline: Feb 1, 2023"
Foreign artist: continues to starve
This has been my experience with applying to grants. Discrimination through anti-discrimination. Thinly veiled cheap labor.
Does anyone actually know of any open-ended grants that: Pay you to do what you actually want to do? (Whatever that is) Meaning: as an artist, entrepreneur, whatever the fuck you are, you have a billion ideas, and if someone just gave you money and LEFT YOU ALONE eventually SOMETHING will come out. And if you're an interesting person and they think you're an interesting person and if you have an interesting track record, well, it'll probably be SOMEWHAT interesting.
And if you're TRULY an artist, or someone who CARES about what you do, you don't need a fucking theme (about the most artificial concoction you can have for an artist), or a deadline that forces you to compromise your art (seriously, who are these grants for?) or a requirement list, you have 5000 unfinished songs and paintings, you just don't have the money to pursue your work or start-up or whatever it is