How to select good wine, the idiot's guide:
1. If you see it in your local liquor or grocery store, it's mass-produced so it's probably crap
2. If it's <$20, it's probably crap
3. If it's less than 2 years old, it's probably crap (or needs time to mature)
4. If the label looks flashy, comical, amusing, or otherwise overly graphic, it's probably crap
5. Try lots of wine. Make a spreadsheet. Narrow down what kinds of wine you like over time.
6. Pick the grape you like.
Reds: Merlot has a lot of body and alcohol. Cabernet Saugivnion is similar but more tannins. Both of them are mass-produced and often cheap and crappy, but can also be great. Zinfandel has a lot of body, is jammy with black fruit flavors. Pinot Noir is a lighter red with fewer tannins, but flavor and body can vary greatly. Syrah/Shiraz are full-bodied tannic reds. Grenache are a little sweeter and less acidic, when younger is more fruity, when older is richer-flavored. Gamay is medium-body, low-tannin, fruity. Tempranillo is medium-bodied high-alcohol. Nebbiolo is full-bodied, high-tannin, fruity/flowery & sometimes savory. Sangiovese is full-bodied, high-tannin, acidic, ages well. Pinotage is like a Pinot Noir left in a locker room. Carmenere is high-alcohol, high-tannin, spicy. Malbec is spicy & savory, and a majority of women tend to like it in my experience.
Whites: Chardonnay is middle-of-the-road, and can either be super oaky or have no oak. Sauvignon Blanc is lighter and more fragrant, high-acid; Loire Valley and Napa Valley make good examples. Riesling and Gewurztraminer make dessert wines. Pinot Grigio has medium body and acidity, can sometimes taste like slightly acidic water. Verdicchio has high acid and citric flavors, can taste cheap. Chenin Blanc can be medium-body and slightly sweet and sometimes makes up cheap wines. Viognier are floral, high-acid, high-alcohol. Albarino is medium-body with fruit flavors but can be very bitter. Torrontes makes medium-body, high-alcohol, floral wines.
7. Sign up for a wine delivery thing with whatever coupons you can. Select wines based on flavors you like. Cancel it, then take their generous offers of discounts to order again. And again. And again.
8. If a wine nerd is excited about it, it might not be crap, but you'll probably hate it
9. If you try a wine and really like it, ignore everything above, buy lots of it.
1. If you see it in your local liquor or grocery store, it's mass-produced so it's probably crap
2. If it's <$20, it's probably crap
3. If it's less than 2 years old, it's probably crap (or needs time to mature)
4. If the label looks flashy, comical, amusing, or otherwise overly graphic, it's probably crap
5. Try lots of wine. Make a spreadsheet. Narrow down what kinds of wine you like over time.
6. Pick the grape you like.
Reds: Merlot has a lot of body and alcohol. Cabernet Saugivnion is similar but more tannins. Both of them are mass-produced and often cheap and crappy, but can also be great. Zinfandel has a lot of body, is jammy with black fruit flavors. Pinot Noir is a lighter red with fewer tannins, but flavor and body can vary greatly. Syrah/Shiraz are full-bodied tannic reds. Grenache are a little sweeter and less acidic, when younger is more fruity, when older is richer-flavored. Gamay is medium-body, low-tannin, fruity. Tempranillo is medium-bodied high-alcohol. Nebbiolo is full-bodied, high-tannin, fruity/flowery & sometimes savory. Sangiovese is full-bodied, high-tannin, acidic, ages well. Pinotage is like a Pinot Noir left in a locker room. Carmenere is high-alcohol, high-tannin, spicy. Malbec is spicy & savory, and a majority of women tend to like it in my experience.
Whites: Chardonnay is middle-of-the-road, and can either be super oaky or have no oak. Sauvignon Blanc is lighter and more fragrant, high-acid; Loire Valley and Napa Valley make good examples. Riesling and Gewurztraminer make dessert wines. Pinot Grigio has medium body and acidity, can sometimes taste like slightly acidic water. Verdicchio has high acid and citric flavors, can taste cheap. Chenin Blanc can be medium-body and slightly sweet and sometimes makes up cheap wines. Viognier are floral, high-acid, high-alcohol. Albarino is medium-body with fruit flavors but can be very bitter. Torrontes makes medium-body, high-alcohol, floral wines.
7. Sign up for a wine delivery thing with whatever coupons you can. Select wines based on flavors you like. Cancel it, then take their generous offers of discounts to order again. And again. And again.
8. If a wine nerd is excited about it, it might not be crap, but you'll probably hate it
9. If you try a wine and really like it, ignore everything above, buy lots of it.