I am a software engineer who worked in big tech for about six years. I left my job earlier this year to start a sabbatical to decompress before I did stuff on my own. I generally had very good feedback while I worked but I think I solved harder problems when I was doing advanced physics or calculus in University.
Over the last few weeks though I haven't been feeling very motivated. Doing something of my own sounds tough and finding a job just seems so much easier. There's some framework that exists and you purely have to execute.
I have come to realize that for a very long time I haven't worked on hard problems consistently. Sure I have had spikes where I had to work hard and a lot but those spikes would die out after a few weeks. I was very competitive till the first few years at school and then it somehow dropped.
I also feel that the reward mechanisms in my head have been short circuited. A high paying relatively easy tech job, doom scrolling on social media, getting food delivered in a few minutes and the easy supply of porn on the internet have made delayed gratification tough and have made instant gratification the default state.
What sucks more is that ambition has now been replaced with envy. I see someone doing something like "getting a promotion" and I become envious and I wonder how do I do that / what am I doing but lack the will to execute.
I am hoping(envy & big lack of ambition) this is just these last couple weeks and I snap out of it.
1. How do I fix this? Is this burnout or depression?
2. How do I get ambition back and get rid of the envy?
3. How do I retrain the delayed gratification & work on hard things muscle? I think I'll start going to the gym and lift weights.
Over the last few weeks though I haven't been feeling very motivated. Doing something of my own sounds tough and finding a job just seems so much easier. There's some framework that exists and you purely have to execute.
I have come to realize that for a very long time I haven't worked on hard problems consistently. Sure I have had spikes where I had to work hard and a lot but those spikes would die out after a few weeks. I was very competitive till the first few years at school and then it somehow dropped.
I also feel that the reward mechanisms in my head have been short circuited. A high paying relatively easy tech job, doom scrolling on social media, getting food delivered in a few minutes and the easy supply of porn on the internet have made delayed gratification tough and have made instant gratification the default state.
What sucks more is that ambition has now been replaced with envy. I see someone doing something like "getting a promotion" and I become envious and I wonder how do I do that / what am I doing but lack the will to execute.
I am hoping(envy & big lack of ambition) this is just these last couple weeks and I snap out of it.
1. How do I fix this? Is this burnout or depression?
2. How do I get ambition back and get rid of the envy?
3. How do I retrain the delayed gratification & work on hard things muscle? I think I'll start going to the gym and lift weights.