A lot of folks are misinterpreting this article, or just using it as a jumping off point to get something off their chest.
This article is not literally about the dirty dish. It's not even about compromise. Rather, the article is really about having healthy communication with your partner.
The author's wife was trying to communicate to him: "when you do X, I feel like Y, and it hurts me."
But he wasn't hearing it. Not really. Now maybe his wife wasn't communicating as effectively as she could. But the author seems to indicate that she was and that he could have done more to recognize what she was saying and to empathize with her. He didn't get it, and now he clearly regrets it. It's too bad a healthy relationship didn't come out of that, but sometimes there's just too much damage.
My wife and I have been together for 33 years, married for 26 of those (we met in HS). I'm extremely fortunate that she's empathetic, compassionate, and has the patience of Job. Because it turns out that for a large portion of our marriage, I behaved like an asshole. She's not confrontational, while I thrive on it. We had a rule never to let a day end angry at each other, but mostly due to faults on my side she wasn't always heard because I wasn't open to listening to her. This built a lot of resentment. It came to a head years ago, but we worked through it and our relationship is healthier than it's ever been.
"You're not wrong Walter; you're just an asshole."
The hard work in a relationship isn't compromise. That's table stakes. The hard work is communication.
This article is not literally about the dirty dish. It's not even about compromise. Rather, the article is really about having healthy communication with your partner.
The author's wife was trying to communicate to him: "when you do X, I feel like Y, and it hurts me."
But he wasn't hearing it. Not really. Now maybe his wife wasn't communicating as effectively as she could. But the author seems to indicate that she was and that he could have done more to recognize what she was saying and to empathize with her. He didn't get it, and now he clearly regrets it. It's too bad a healthy relationship didn't come out of that, but sometimes there's just too much damage.
My wife and I have been together for 33 years, married for 26 of those (we met in HS). I'm extremely fortunate that she's empathetic, compassionate, and has the patience of Job. Because it turns out that for a large portion of our marriage, I behaved like an asshole. She's not confrontational, while I thrive on it. We had a rule never to let a day end angry at each other, but mostly due to faults on my side she wasn't always heard because I wasn't open to listening to her. This built a lot of resentment. It came to a head years ago, but we worked through it and our relationship is healthier than it's ever been.
"You're not wrong Walter; you're just an asshole."
The hard work in a relationship isn't compromise. That's table stakes. The hard work is communication.