One thing I've learned to say is that I don't know
your grief, but I do know great big grief up close, and there's just a difference between people who know and people who don't.
I don't even know my brother's grief, even though we lost the same sister, because I can't ever know his relationship with her from the inside.
Among the most toxic phrases to use with anyone who's grieving is, "I know how you feel."
No. You do not. You CANNOT. It is profoundly insulting and diminishing to claim you do.
But if you do know great big grief up close, and how to make space for it to do what it needs to do by showing up, sitting awkwardly in the silence, and just. not. leaving, you can really touch someone's soul.
I don't even know my brother's grief, even though we lost the same sister, because I can't ever know his relationship with her from the inside.
Among the most toxic phrases to use with anyone who's grieving is, "I know how you feel."
No. You do not. You CANNOT. It is profoundly insulting and diminishing to claim you do.
But if you do know great big grief up close, and how to make space for it to do what it needs to do by showing up, sitting awkwardly in the silence, and just. not. leaving, you can really touch someone's soul.