Before I started: yes, I have generalized anxiety disorder, properly diagnosed, properly treated. It has not bothered in me in years, and for someone who couldn't get a haircut without feeling the heart racing to 150bpm, it's been really great. All that therapy and (some, intermittent) medication worked, except for one use case: job interviews.
It's not even a career-related anxiety: I manage large teams and am able to deal with all sorts of people at levels junior to EVP, no problem, very little is capable of throwing me off-balance.
Yet here I am. I have a Meta interview later tonight, and I feel lightheaded, sick, and weak-kneeled. I measured my temperature and I've got a minor fever. Couldn't sleep at night. All psychological - I am not sick. Thinking about it, here are some of the things that cause all those reactions:
1) Fear of embarrassing myself in front of very senior/accomplished people.
2) Getting stuck/blocked or coming up with a laughable solution that won't make sense.
3) Rejection fear and worse: fear of a downward spiral of failure that can end my career (typical catastrophic thinking).
Oddly enough, I don't feel anything like that in behavioral interviews. It's only in those where I need to be "creative", like system design or coding. I am having a miserable weekend because of this. Frequently I think about cancelling interviews (and many times I do - this is the 3rd time I'm talking to Meta, the last 2 I cancelled the loops) because of this combination of anxiety and misery at peak level for so many hours and days.
People who have similar symptoms, how do/did you deal with it?
It's not even a career-related anxiety: I manage large teams and am able to deal with all sorts of people at levels junior to EVP, no problem, very little is capable of throwing me off-balance.
Yet here I am. I have a Meta interview later tonight, and I feel lightheaded, sick, and weak-kneeled. I measured my temperature and I've got a minor fever. Couldn't sleep at night. All psychological - I am not sick. Thinking about it, here are some of the things that cause all those reactions:
1) Fear of embarrassing myself in front of very senior/accomplished people. 2) Getting stuck/blocked or coming up with a laughable solution that won't make sense. 3) Rejection fear and worse: fear of a downward spiral of failure that can end my career (typical catastrophic thinking).
Oddly enough, I don't feel anything like that in behavioral interviews. It's only in those where I need to be "creative", like system design or coding. I am having a miserable weekend because of this. Frequently I think about cancelling interviews (and many times I do - this is the 3rd time I'm talking to Meta, the last 2 I cancelled the loops) because of this combination of anxiety and misery at peak level for so many hours and days.
People who have similar symptoms, how do/did you deal with it?