I empathize with you. You conned yourself into academia.
If you regret not having enough partners. Don't regret, probably, you wouldn't have much anyway. Top 20% gets 80% of the action. You aren't in the top 20%.
Academia is awful. Again top 20% of the students get 80% of the attention and opportunities. Seems you aren't in the top 20%.
So what to do from here? First stop digging. If you don't want to marry the girl you are with, Cut the relation, don't be a moron, don't make her loose time. Go to a church and set your life in order. Hear Jordan Peterson on YouTube. Get an entry level job in tech. Go for data analyst or systems administrator. If you are able to land a developer job, great. Currently you are worth close to 0 to the market. You are useless, but you are smart and you can learn. Swallow your pride and get some useful skills.
If you regret not having enough partners. Don't regret, probably, you wouldn't have much anyway. Top 20% gets 80% of the action. You aren't in the top 20%.
Academia is awful. Again top 20% of the students get 80% of the attention and opportunities. Seems you aren't in the top 20%.
So what to do from here? First stop digging. If you don't want to marry the girl you are with, Cut the relation, don't be a moron, don't make her loose time. Go to a church and set your life in order. Hear Jordan Peterson on YouTube. Get an entry level job in tech. Go for data analyst or systems administrator. If you are able to land a developer job, great. Currently you are worth close to 0 to the market. You are useless, but you are smart and you can learn. Swallow your pride and get some useful skills.