Ask HN: Am I Lazy?

I am having trouble focusing at work (IC, software architect), or finding motivation to do anything. It has gotten to the point where I fear for my job. I push through, somehow, because of this fear, of not being able to support my family, losing our home. But I’ve noticed I lash out at whoever interrupts me, which happens often. It’s like I’m on the edge all the time. I feel bad after. I am adding to already bad atmosphere at work. They tolerate me because I’ve been here for 15 years. I thought about changing jobs, but all the job ads look the same as what I do now. Am I just spoiled and lazy? Any thoughts on how to overcome this?